Late Summer

Looking back on recent posts, I am struck by what a beautiful summer we have been having, and what a special childhood my little boy is enjoying. In the day-to-day, it's easy to start thinking life is a chaotic string of events, and that I am not doing a very good job at this thing called parenting. Add to that the uncertainty that comes when every single person has a different way of being a mother, and feeling those pangs of self-doubt when I let Rafael play with my iphone while we're grocery shopping as an alternative to discussing why we can't buy a package of toy cars every time we're at the supermarket. 

Then I look over these photos, and think about how much my boy and I laugh, and cuddle, and all the hilarious things he says, and how he throws himself onto me in the mornings, and grabs my face with both of his hands to look into my eyes and give me kisses. And I know I am doing something right.

Not everything, but something.

The mornings are cold, and days are noticeably shorter. The first bright orange pumpkins are piling up at the farmer's market, along with sunflowers and corn. In the forest I found the first little mushrooms sprouting up along the side of the path, as well as a piece of egg shell fallen from a nest, and a little toad soaking in a murky puddle. We made, and ate, a big apple-blackberry crumble. The tiny crabapples on the three trees in the garden are slowly turning from green to red.

I went through my cold-weather clothing and had to pack away a big pile of things that no longer fit after my weight-loss, so I'm going shopping for a fall wardrobe this afternoon. Maybe I'll find some cute things worthy of sharing here. It's no surprise that autumn is my favorite season to dress for!

xoxoxo

Rivers Know This

"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday."

-A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Just a quote that made me cry today.

xoxoxo

Autumn In Town

Fog settled in over this little town, which always turns me into a quiet observer, taking in the old houses, bright leaves, and church tower; the mushrooms at the farmer's market, piled into wooden crates, echoing the color of the foliage; clusters of grapes, fading but still so pretty on pink vines;  Rafael, with his first pair of shoes on, crawling through fallen leaves at the playground (I almost cried when I saw him wearing them....it's all going so fast). 

Our days are combinations of playing on a spread out blanket on the living room floor, where it's cozy and warm, and bundling up for walks in the cold fresh air. 

I keep thinking about how much easier cold weather will be when Raffi knows how to draw, or you can really read him a book; when he can play with play doh, or watch a Winnie The Pooh dvd. When he's able to talk, and can stir cookie dough batter. Then I remind myself: everything is perfect the way it is right now. I need to enjoy this time, this age, this phase, exactly how it is. 

xoxoxo

Simple Homemade Strawberry Jam

Pick or buy fresh, aromatic strawberries...the best are the ones that are red inside.

I bought three kilos at the farmer's market.

Wash your berries.

Remove their stems. (See the redness throughout the cut berry? Yes, that's what we want!)

Weigh your washed, stemmed berries...

....being sure to keep the finest handful to eat raw and fresh.

Mash or puree the strawberries; I like to use my old pie dough cutter.

Add jelly sugar (I used the 2:1 formula: 2 kilos of fruit and 1 kilo jelly sugar) and stir on high heat until

it boils. Keep stirring while it boils for 4 to 6 minutes.

Have your sterilized jars, tongs, ladle, and funnel ready.

Ladle the hot jam through the funnel into the jars.

Close the lids tightly and turn them over for 10 minutes to seal them airtight.

Use pretty fabric and twine for the jar lids.

(Thank you, Morwenna, for giving me such a lovely jam lid set!)

Enjoy on scones, bread, toast, buns...or in yogurt, müsli, or cream.

Give to friends and family.

And keep some in your pantry to enjoy throughout the cold months of the year.

xoxoxo

Favorite Things These Days

* Staying up after Rafael and Ramon have gone to bed for some 'me' time

* Crawling into bed in the pitch black darkness, hearing them breath, and pulling Rafael to me, breathing in the sweet smell of his baby head

* Visiting the most beautiful corners of the world through people's photographs and discovering my favorites on flikr

* Greek yogurt with nuts and honey

* The sound of my husband's key in the door at the end of the day

* Having a cleaning lady come for two hours every Friday (this is a Godsend)

* Watching kids bundled up in scarves with red noses skating clumsily on the ice rink in the town square, and imagining Raffi doing it when he's older

* Ginger Ale mixed with cranberry juice

* The country farm, foggy hillside, dogs cats horses, and quiet contemplative words of Nadia

* Medicine that is healing me and soothing my pain

* The farmer's market

* Boston napping on the couch like a person with his belly up, his legs splayed, and his head on a pillow

* Cuddling up on the couch with my boys and the dogs to watch the casting show The Voice Of Germany on Thursday and Friday nights, cheering the contestants on and getting goosebumps when they sing

* Rafael's smiles

* Rafael's gibberish conversations with me while I change his diapers

* My husband's roasted chicken

* Seeing houses sparkle in Christmas lights on freezing cold evening walks through town

* Kiki jumping up on the bed while I'm nursing Raffi even though she's not allowed...but letting her stay, because she just looks so happy and peaceful sleeping there, and I know how much she misses it


Wishing you all many favorite things to sweeten your days.

xoxoxo

P.S. I have the most wonderful readers....friends, really. Thank you all so much for the nice things you shared after my last post. I'm healing well and hope that I will be lucky enough to continue breast feeding Rafael for a long time.

Life in the Third Trimester and Autumn Love

Life is slow and easy for me right now, as I enjoy these final weeks of pregnancy. Well...OK...let's be honest...I don't enjoy every bit of it. It's astounding the clumsy and exhausting gymnastics I have to do to wash dishes (I have to literally lean with outstretched arms because my belly is in the way), put on socks, shave my legs, or cut my toenails. Actually, I've given up on cutting my own toenails. Ramon had a go at them, which gave us a good laugh, but didn't do much for my toenails, which are now shorter but also very crooked. My back aches, my feet are sore, I snore, and take about 2 minutes to get up from a sitting position. (Am I pregnant or 90 year old?)

But yes, I am enjoying parts of being 8 months pregnant. It has forced me to take everything very slowly, and to prioritize things (anything that has me bending down to pick something up off the floor is no longer a priority). I have fully succumbed to daily naps and encourage the same from the dogs, who seem to be alright with this new laziness. I make a big pot of Third Trimester Tea every morning and drink cups of it throughout the day. On walks with the dogs, I move at a snail's pace without meaning to. But I don't beat myself up about it. It's just the way it is right now.

While waiting in line for the butcher at the farmer's market yesterday, my sister-in-law told me that, after Rafael is born, I will feel so incredibly light. Just the thought of that made me sigh. Light! I can hardly imagine! Right now my footsteps sound like a huge ogre's, and my walk can really only be described as a waddle.

But again, all of these 'uncomfortable' things are teaching me a lot. Acceptance, for example, and sacrifice. If this is what I have to go through to be united with my son, I'll take it all, and gladly!

It's funny how August always has me thinking of September. While most people are hanging onto Summer and soaking up every bit of it they can, my mind is already drifting towards sweaters, fall foliage, pumpkins, and cocoa. It's not something I am proud of, because I think it's always best to live in the moment and revel in what the current season has to offer. But what can I do? I am utterly smitten with all things Autumn.

With all of this free time I have, being pregnant and all, I spend quite a bit of time on the internet, and as some of you already know, one of my favorite places on the internet is etsy. I've had some fun putting together cozy, autumn-themed treasuries these past few days. Here are some of my favorites. Click on the treasury title to go to it and be able to browse the handmade and vintage items.

'My Heart Belongs To Autumn'

'Woodsy'

'Loved'

'Pale and Slate'

'Weekend Pleasures'

I'm alone this weekend...Ramon is on a business trip until Sunday evening. I'll be making soups and chicken paprikash for the freezer, maybe some muffins and cookies too.

But all very, very slowly. :)

Farmers Market in July

"If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves the farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain?"
-Tom Barrett


Sunflowers and tiny apples; such beautiful things are the farmer's market this July day. Luckily I went early before it began to rain again. (Yes, it's raining again today, and I know people are complaining, but I find it refreshing. It's not fun to walk the dogs or run errands in the rain, but for the most part, I love it.)

The American who sells flowers put together a lovely bundle of sunflowers, wildflowers, and grasses for me. We always enjoy a chat in english. Then I filled a bag with those adorable, rosy little apples that the old organic farmer has no name for besides 'summer apples.' You could eat them in a single bite if you didn't mind seeds and stems. They taste mildly sweet and have bright white flesh. I don't know what I'll do with them yet; they are almost too cute to eat. Now they are in the hand-carved wooden bowl in the living room, and I wish they would always stay just how they are today.

I am sleeping so much these days. Any chance I get. Normally I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I took a nap in the day, but there's no problem with that now. It's amazing what a woman's body is capable of. When I feel Rafael moving I think about how we are connected, physically connected, by the umbilical cord and the placenta, and that I have nurtured him from the size of a poppy seed to now, the size of a pineapple. It's all too miraculous to comprehend.

The Firsts of Things

The American who sells flowers at the farmer's market every Friday had the first sunflowers this week. I bought seven, wrapped in newspaper and heavy in my arms, and now they stand, sunny and tall, on the dining table. I love the firsts of things....the first sunflowers, the first colorful heirloom tomatoes, the first pumpkins, the first chill in the air that makes you put on the first sweater of the season. The first snow. I'm getting ahead of myself now.

While I long for cool autumn days and the birth of my son, I know I should instead be enjoying the moment and taking advantage of these final weeks of independence. Some mothers give the advice, "Go on dates with your husband; go to the movies. Take long baths and sleep as much as you can. Meet friends at the cafè. Read books." All things they claim will be impossible once your first baby is born. So I'm trying to do those things.

When my husband's cousin was in her final month, she started getting antsy, and I kept saying all those things that people say, like how she should enjoy her last month of freedom. But now I'm eating my words, and I'm not even in the final month yet. I didn't think I would be an impatient pregnant woman. It's taken me by surprise how time seems to be going at a snail's pace, how this summer seems like one endless stretch of heat!

I stare at Rafael's ultrasound picture, his sweet profile where you can see his tiny nose and lips, and I just keep wondering what it will be like to see his face for the first time. Will it be instant recognition? Will I fall in love? Will I cry and think he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen?

For Real Chocolate Lovers: Black Tie Cookies

 

If you love chocolate, these are cookies for you.

A soft, chewey, brownie-like cookie with chunks of dark and white chocolate.

These are quite elegant, and their deep brown with black and white spots looks lovely with pink.

In other words, perfect for packing up in tissue paper and tying with pink ribbon for a valentine's day gift.

I like to use chocolate chunks instead of chips, and I substituted 1/4 of the butter with solid organic coconut oil, which gave them a slight coconutty aroma.

If you don't like white chocolate, consider replacing it with toasted, chopped hazelnuts.

These are so delicious. 

I make them when I need 'chocolate comfort.'

Caution: be sure to freeze some and give some away if you are in danger of cookie snarffing.  

 

BLACK TIE COOKIES

makes about 4 dozen 

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup cocoa

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup dark brown sugar

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1 cup softened butter

3 eggs 

2 tsp vanilla extract

6 oz semi sweet chocolate chips

6 oz white chocolate chips

preheat oven to 325°

Combine first 4 ingredients.

Using an electric mixer, cream together butter and both sugars until fluffy, then add the eggs and vanilla and beat til smooth.

Mix wet and dry until JUST combined.

Fold in the chocolate chips/chunks until JUST combined.

Drop by the tablespoon onto ungreased cookie sheets, about 2 inches apart.

Bake 12, and allow to cool on pan before transferring to a cool, flat surface (they will appear soft and gooey when you take them out of the oven but will keep cooking while they rest on the baking sheet.)

Store in an airtight container at room temperature or freeze....or give to deserving chocoholics.

 

Hope these find their way into your cookie jar.

It's a cold snowy Friday...I'm off to the farmer's market for organic goods and banter with the old farmer who always tells me what a smart and pretty girl I am and slips a free apple into my bag.

It's the small simple things.

xoxo country girl

TODAY, ONE YEAR AGO: only in winter, in the country...

A Few Of My Favorite Things

:: pumpkin carving at the farmer's market ::

:: watching a class of kindergarden children tromp through the woods ::

:: being reminded how much i love my husband and doggy ::

:: witnessing the quiet seeping in of autumn ::

:: looking at the world through kiki's curious eyes ::

:: painting cards for loved ones ::

:: discovering nests in trees now that some leaves have fallen ::

:: bundling up in colorful hats and scarves ::

:: storms coming in over the village ::

:: my mom cooking up hungarian chicken paprika in my kitchen ::

:: devouring the first cinnamon-sweet persimmon of the season ::

enjoy your monday!

xo country girl