The Day My Mom Died

These pictures were taken just outside of San Francisco on the morning of August 25th. Later that day, my Mom died. She had been ill for a long time without knowing it, and once she found out, it went fast. We flew to her and spent her final days together. I was there, holding her foot, when she passed. 

Her illness was one of the reasons I stopped writing here. I found it hard to concentrate, hard to write about the beauty in each day. 

I don't know if I will continue this blog. Lately I find it hard to share personal things. 

I can tell you this: Rafael is blossoming, healthy, hilarious, and the most amazing person I've ever met. He is doing very well. 

The woods are still my sanctuary, the dogs are still my comfort, and my husband is still my best friend. 

I miss my Mom every day. It is unfair, and cruel, that she is gone. The past couple of years have been difficult, and I have had to be very strong. 

Fortunately, my life is also sparkling with blessings, wonders, and miracles.

Love, Dawn

Rainy Days

Happy September everyone!

Fall is spreading bit by tiny golden bit throughout our village and forest. We've been having some rainy days, which Rafael likes much more now that he is old enough to enjoy indoor activities, or throw on waterproof suits and boots and head out into the woods for some muddy adventures. 

I've been getting back into baking. Cold weather just makes me want to get dough between my fingers and spend time in the warm kitchen with apples and cinnamon. 

As we grow together as a family, and feel at ease in our daily rhythm, I begin to long for a sibling for Rafael, a new addition to the family. A brand new being to love.

xoxo

A Rainy Day On Anna Hof's Organic Farm

It was one of those warm, rainy days that you sometimes have in summer. My friend Neli asked if we wanted to join her on a trip to the organic farm Anna Hof, which I visited once before and posted about here. 

First we bought raw milk, meat, vegetables, and bread at the little shop they have, and I admired the rows of apple trees, the farm equipment (I love farm equipment!) and the surrounding green hills. 

Then we set out to explore the grounds, and visit all of the animals. Everything was green and glistening with rain drops, and it was so much fun showing Rafael the cows, goats, chickens, ducks, rabbits, and pigs.

The Anna Hof organic farm showed us what healthy, happy animals look like.

I just wanted to also note: I am so grateful to have made these new friends since having Rafael. Before I had him, I spent most of my time alone, and going places or being around other people felt taxing somehow. But now, I really love meeting up with my Mommy buddies. I love the things we talk about, the places we go, and the times we share. A day with nothing planned used to feel so freeing to me, but now I am always happy when I know I'll see my friends. It's very new for me, and I love it.

P.S. Look, Rafael is half as big as me! :)

xoxoxo

This Woman Changed Me

There are people in this world who have a sudden and lasting affect on you. A picture of this woman struck me the other day on Pinterest. I followed it to her blog, Girl With Curves, and was instantly mesmerized by Tanesha Awasthi's charm, confidence, style, and beauty. 

As some of you know from previous posts, I used to have a very different figure. Sometimes I even shopped in the children's section because I was so thin! I have gained weight over the past few years, and having a child has of course changed my body as well. Recently I realized I was falling deeper and deeper into a slump. I wore yoga pants and sweatshirts nearly every day. All of my pretty clothes don't fit me anymore. But I kept thinking, "I'll buy new things once I've lost a little weight."

When I saw Girl With Curves it felt like a light bulb going off in my head. Why did I think I had to lose weight to dress nicely? Where did I get the notion that my style and beauty should be put on hold until I drop a few pounds? 

In magazines, and also on Pinterest, you see so many thin women modeling clothing, and I think the image gets ingrained in your mind: sexy, flattering clothing look good on skinny figures. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a trim woman wearing an outfit, and my reaction was, "Sure it looks great on her...look at her body. I could never pull that off with this figure!" 

Tanesha states that her biggest motivation for publishing her blog is to help curvaceous women understand that there is no piece of clothing that is taboo for them. Find pieces that are flattering and wear them with confidence. 

I haven't worn sleeveless dresses or shirts in years, not since my arms grew softer and rounder and didn't have those chiseled shoulders and biceps that so many Hollywood actresses sport these days anymore. Well, I headed to the mall and bought myself three sleeveless dresses yesterday! I always thought that, with my short, curvy legs, I couldn't pull of skinny jeans. Well, next time I go to the mall, I will be trying some on until I find a pair that fits me, and I promise myself to wear them with pride!

The funny thing is, after browsing the Girl With Curves gallery again and again over the past few days for motivation and inspiration, I saw a picture of a skinny model and she actually looked pretty strange to me. No feminine curves. Why had I always believed that this was the ideal?

The whole way I look at myself, and my body, has undergone a huge change, and I have Tanesha to thank for that.

xoxoxo

A Perfect Heart Full Of Joy And Gratitude

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Some Favorite Things In January

Make your own tags and ornaments with homemade salt dough, alphabet stamps, and paint.

Recipe here.

The breathtakingly beautiful Swedish home of a blogger named Julia. All of her text is in Swedish, but you actually don't need to understand anything...the photos speak for themselves.

The pictures of her home, garden, and family, just fill me with inspiration and happiness.

Visit her blog, Julias Vita Drommar, here.

These DIY tea bags for Valentine's Day gifts. So simple and sweet!

Find the instructions here.

This handmade canvas backpack. Just think of all the things you could fit in here for hikes in the wilderness! Camera, snacks, thermos....Available here.

This newspaper snippet. Hehehe. Originally posted here.

This book! My mom sent it to me and it's great. It also has a very easy format for someone who has to dip in and out as time (i.e. baby) allows. You can find it for yourself or some new parents you know here.

This woman's pantry makeover, which you can see here.  Our pantry is in absolute chaos right now and I really hope Ramon will help me organize it this weekend. This woman's pantry is a great inspiration.

This quote from the amazing singer Adele.

In this month of New Year's resolutions, I can relate to her words.

Life isn't about being skinny.

At least it shouldn't be!

Here's to all the women who, despite so much pressure from all around (even other women!), don't lose sight of all of the great things about them and about their lives that are so much more important than fitting into a certain size of jeans.

xoxoxo

Rafael's First Christmas

My favorite thing about our Christmas celebration this year was that, everyone was in perfect harmony with each other. The peace between us was so palpable, and our joy so real. What a blessing!

Ramon cooked most of our delicious feast: two roasted chickens, the annual traditional carrot souffle, mushroom gravy, and two apple pies. I made a beet root, orange, and roasted walnut salad, and my sister in law brought dumplings. I was so proud of Ramon, who only learned how to cook in the past four months, and is astonishingly good at it.

Rafael slept through the all the festivities, which I thought was pretty funny. It was as if he knew it would have all been too much for him. As everyone was putting on their shoes and coats to leave, I heard him rustling in the bedroom and there he was, ready to say a quick hello and goodbye to our guests. It was actually so perfect this way, because I was able to enjoy our meal and gift giving, and we were both stress-free.

The most important thing was that he got to see his great grandmother, and that I got a few photographs of them together. I am glad that he will see them someday, when she is gone, and he doesn't remember.

Once the last person shut the door behind them, our home was still and warm and we let out sighs and relaxed. I put Raffi into some reindeer pajamas and we opened his gifts with him. Holding my chubby little angel, sitting by the twinkling Christmas tree, whispering to him about Santa, unwrapping a little wooden carousel and a vintage race car....it was all such a dream come true.

It was a very special Christmas, indeed. Probably the most special of all.

xoxo