a tumultuous weekend

Thank you for all the comfort and advice. 
This has been a tumultuous weekend.
Right now the family is torn apart, and I can only wait and wonder how things will mend, or if they will mend at all. I really hope so. 
It's a strange feeling to have this family so at odds with one another when deep in my heart, I think none of us want that.
And yet, apparantly, there are things which needed to be revealed, and boundaries which had to be drawn.
As always, something beautiful came out of all this pain and yelling: the loyalty and love between my husband and myself.
It's more palpable now than ever.


xoxo country girl

what would you say? what would you do?

I want to start out by saying that the conversation I am about to share with you went exactly as I wrote it. I didn't edit anything out or change anything to make it sound more dramatic.
I was on my way to the farmer's market yesterday when I saw my father-in-law on his bicycle. I waved and smiled as he approached.
Me to my father-in-law: "Hello!"
My father-in-law: "You've gotten fat!"
Me: "Oh, well, thank you...that made my day alot nicer."
My FIL: "Are you eating differently? Why did you gain so much weight?"
Me: "I don't think I want to discuss my weight with you."
My FIL: "You used to be so thin. You must be eating differently. Why have you gained so much weight?"
Me: "Have a nice day."
And I walked away.
And cried.
He tried calling me twice after that, but I was so in shock, and so hurt, that I didn't pick up. I was at a loss for words. I still don't know what to say.
What would you say?

Spring Frittata with Wild Nettles, Ground Elder, and Ramsons

This morning I did my first real foraging of the year and brought home a small bag of young nettles and ground elder. I had gathered some ramsons the other day and knew I wanted to combine these three wild spring greens into a frittata. A frittata is an Italian egg dish, like a quiche without the crust. Layers of anything you like (mine always include potatoes, bacon and cheese) baked until golden and bubbly. The perfect spring dish.
As I was washing the greens in a colander, wondering what I should serve with the frittata once it was done, I heard the shuffling sound outside my door of the man who delivers my weekly box of organic produce and raw milk. It's always a little surprise what's inside. When I saw a cluster of radishes among the piles of fresh veggies and fruits, I knew I wanted to make little radish-butter finger sandwiches using organic brown bread from the local bakery. 

Spring Frittata with Wild Nettles, Ground Elder, and Ramsons

fistfull of spring greens washed of any debris, chopped
1/2 cup gouda grated or thinly sliced
4 tiny onions peeled and chopped
5 or 6 small potatoes boiled, peeled, sliced into rounds
4 strips of bacon cut into tiny pieces
salt, pepper

8 eggs room temperature

1/2 cup milk beat together with the eggs

soft butter for greasing pan


preheat oven to 200°C (392°F)


Make repeating layers with the first 6 ingredients evenly in a greased 9-inch pan.
Pour egg/milk mixture over.
Bake for 30-35 minutes. (your kitchen will be smelling lovely right about now!)
Serve warm with radish-butter finger sandwiches or a spring salad.

A note about collection stinging nettles:

One of the most fascinating things I've learned about the plant kingdom is that, where there is something harmful, the cure more often than not grows right beside it. So it is with nettles and the common 'weed' ribwort, or plantago , pictured here to the left. They often grow very close to one another. If your fingers are tingling from collecting nettles, make a knot out of a few ribwort leaves and rub and squeeze them between your palms until the juice is released. This juice will ease the pain and itching. It even helped sooth the uncomfortable bug bight my stepmother had last spring. 


On another note...
All of your heartfelt and sincere messages have touched me and uplifted me, AS ALWAYS. I am so grateful to you all. You teach me so much about myself, and about the goodness to be found in others. Thank you!

xoxo country girl

Honesty: The Painful Kind

The other day I was walking back home from the farmer's market which is held every Friday in the neighbouring town where we used to live. I saw my ex-neighbor approaching and went tense; 'Oh no,' I thought, 'She hasn't seen me since I've gained weight. Hopefully she won't say anything.' Followed by the hopeful thought: 'Maybe I don't look as different as I feel.' She slowed down from her jog and waved, probably unaware that she was eyeing me up and down with a critical look. "Hi there," she said once she reached me. "How are you? Did you have a baby?!" 
Last January, I had decided to finally stop being crazy about dieting, and to stop taking the daily doses of diet pills I had been downing for about nine years. I knew I wanted to have a clean body as a vessel for my future baby to grow inside of. I also wanted to finally enjoy all of the food I dreamed of while eating skinless chicken breasts and grapefruits. The problem was, I quickly replaced my addiction for diet pills with an addiction for sugar. Not only that, but the miscarriage in November had me literally medicating myself with chocolate. Since last January, I have gone from 48 kilos to 68. That's a gain of 45 pounds. On a tiny frame of about 5 feet 3 inches. 

45 pounds lighter

now

This morning, while power walking down a rain-soaked path, feeling overwhelmed with the task of losing weight before summer, it suddenly became clear to me that I need to remodel. And I don't mean my body. I mean my entire vision of who I am. 

I started thinking about truly beautiful women. They have sparkling eyes, infectious smiles....and more important, confidence. You would never think that they look at themselves critically in the mirror; you would never imagine them sliding the cupcake away from themselves and sighing, feeling huge and ugly and deprived all at the same time. They are busy enjoying life! Busy feeling inspired, creative, enthusiastic. Busy loving their partner, being there for their friends, learning new things, enjoying what little time there is here on earth. Those are the things which make the most beautiful women.

So now I need to be painfully honest with myself about what isn't working in my life, and what I need to change. I need to remember the picture I have of my ideal, healthy, happy self, and then do everything in my power to work towards becoming her.

This was a surprisingly difficult post and I keep going back and forth in my mind about publishing it. It's harder than I thought to be this honest about my short-comings. My ego is squealing, "Nooo, don't click 'Publish Post!' This is ugly and scary! Just write something about the weather and springtime!"

*squish*

That's the sound of my ego under my foot. 

Ok....I'm pressing Publish Post now......

xoxo country girl

i want to share this with you

This morning I discovered the first wild sorrel and ground elder . As I crouched there, brushing my palms over these tender plants, chewing a few leaves, savoring the sourness, smelling the fragrance on my finger tips, I realized that I would have to do some explaining before I began blogging passionately about wild edible plants. 
My love for gathering wild food began as a child on the Northern California coast. My father sometimes took me with him in our old brown Datsun out to the piney cliffs of Commonweal, where we would sift through mounds of fallen needles, looking for boletus mushrooms. The earthy smells, the sound of waves crashing against the cliffs, and the feeling of secrecy there was under the dark, low canopy of evergreens, has stayed with me all these years. It was a rare time alone with my father, and I savored those mushroom hunts even more than I did the buttery eggs and boletus he cooked in the black cast iron skillet afterwards. 
Fast forward to spring of 2009. I was taking a walk with my friend Gerit and our dogs. Green was finally taking over the forest floor, and birds were singing. Coming around a bend, she suddenly cried out, "Oh look! Waldmeister!" She bent over a bright green stalk and stroked it lovingly. I had no idea what that plant was, but her enthusiasm made me inquire. She told all about the plant waldmeister (or woodruff as it's called in english) and about how it was used in May Wine. Just hearing her talk about it made me want to try it right away. 

this woodruff plant started it all

After making my first woodruff lemon-appleaide, I knew I wanted to learn more about the wild edible plants growing around me. From then on, every walk with Gerit was like a magical field trip. What had before been random varieties of green became plants with names, uses, tastes, healing properties. I took a bag with me on every walk to fill with wild greens and herbs, and felt as though a whole new world had been opened up to me. Not only that, but Austria, which had continued to feel foreign even after living here for a few years, was becoming my own; I was learning to appreciate and even revel in it's beauty and bounty. The more I discovered, the more I grew to love this country and accept it as my home.

woodruff lemon-appleaide

Every time Gerit showed me a new species, I took a photo and looked it up in the internet; I tried old recipes, invented new recipes, and got on my husband's nerves when we took walks together, because I was constantly stopping to gather something and explaining to him what it was. 

a chart i made last spring of wild edibles

1. bellis perennis (daisy) 2. ground elder 3. chickweed 4. yarrow 5. dandelion 6. nettles 7. wild strawberry 8. lady's smock 9. sorrel 10. violet

It was a year of dandelion honey, hops asparagus scrambles, batter-fried elderflowers, and wild cherry cakes; a magical time of discovery where the surrounding woods and fields became my own secret garden.

yogurt dessert with chopped nuts, homemade dandelion honey, and a sprinkling of wild edible blossoms and leaves

Now that the gathering season has begun once again, I know I won't be able to stop myself from indulging in my passion for picking and cooking wild edibles, and subsequently blogging about them. I hope this enthusiasm is infectious; I hope I can inspire some of you to learn about the wild edible plants growing in your area, and to cook with them. Or, at least, I hope you will enjoy reading about them and seeing the pretty pictures.

What a wonderful start to the week it was to happen upon the first leaves of sorrel and elder; I am filled with anticipation, and can't wait to share all the wonders of nature's food with you.

xoxo country girl

p.s. for a look at past blog posts with wild edibles, click here .

watching and waiting

We were waiting. Kiki and I.

Waiting for my hubby. Waiting for her papa.

"Wait here while I get the groceries," he said.

A sunny saturday morning, with billowing march clouds.

We waited on the bench and watched them go by.

Wind blew. People walked past us with their dogs. Everyone was happy because it was warm.

I was happy...

...Kiki was happy...

...even inanimate objects like this sign seemed cheerful.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Hopefully he remembered the eggs. And my chocolate bar.

There he is!

Awww, he did, he remembered everything.

My hero.

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

xo country girl

what sunshine is capable of

Can you even believe the look on Kiki's face here?

It says everything.

Sunshine, birds singing, the tender beginnings of leaves....

...pastel skies and a haze of green on the fields.

We saw butterflies, frogs laying eggs, and even scared a few wild pheasants, which in turn scared the daylights out of me...they're really loud and dramatic when startled.

The warm air and sunshine renew my being.

When spring begins, I inevitably feel taken by surprise; I think there is always a part of me who feels that this time, winter will never end.

But eventually, to my relief, it does.

Here at home I've been clearing off of the balcony and doing some major spring cleaning. I've become pretty radical when it comes to throwing things away; I used to turn things over in my hand and wonder if I should get rid of them. Now I am militant, and fill whole garbage bags with things. I have yet to throw away something and then regret it afterwards.

A big motivation for getting our home in tip top shape is that the real estate agent will be coming by once in a while with people interested in renting our apartment once we move out in October...yes, that's right, we signed the papers and will be moving this fall!

I just loved the way the kitchen and living room looked this sun-soaked morning:

fruits and flowers on the kitchen island

kiki napping in the sun by the dining table

anemones always remind me of polkadots...i love them!

We are hoping to find people who will buy our kitchen from us so we can start fresh in the new apartment. Can you imagine how excited I am to design our new home?

I hope that spring is warming your face, too, wherever you are.

xoxo country girl