January and February

The first month of the year came and went in the blink of an eye. So many changes and new routines. Rafael began going to daycare two mornings a week and is getting settled in. I started waking up while it was still dark and the icy streets were empty to jog with the dogs. My husband's work year started up once again. Things felt fresh and full of good intentions.

My birthday was celebrated with a small but spectacular chocolate cake. I asked my husband to bring home flowers to decorate it, and he brought a big bouquet of roses. I ended up putting them in a vase and only using a cloud of baby breath on top of the frosting. I loved the simple look, paired with tall, thin candles. Friends and family came for the afternoon, it was a noisy bunch, toddlers running in and out of rooms, laughter and conversation. A friend made me a lovely little paintbrush organizer. My husband gave me a new wide lens for my camera. 

A couple of weeks ago Rafael got sick and I spent one of those terrible weeks stuck indoors with him. We watched lots of dvds, read hundreds of books, rolled out play-doh and lay out train tracks. He got amazingly good at doing puzzles. There were of course nice moments, but I have to admit that when he is sick I get depressed and my nerves are frazzled. Our whole rhythm is destroyed, and we are trapped inside these rooms with no break for days on end. I dream of going back to our regular daily routine, meeting with friends, going into the woods, even just going to the grocery store. In the end Rafael always seems a bit taller, and wiser. And I always think, "Why can't I just be more patient and serene?" 

Lately, when I get angry, and then Rafael and I make up again, he asks, "Are we best friends again?" And I melt and say, "Of course, we are always best friends, even when I'm angry." 

In my spare time I have been organizing my photographs and designing a logo and blog for my future small photography business. I will be offering child, family, and adult portraits. I'm feeling excited, mixed with fear and insecurity....can I do this? Will I be good at this? Will customers be satisfied? Am I capable of making smart business decisions? I try to put these questions in the back of my mind and don't let them slow me down.

Another important thing going on in my life right now is that, 11 days ago, I began Jamie Eason's LiveFit 12 week trainer program, and I'm already seeing and feeling results. It's mostly a mental challenge for me, sticking to the diet and getting my exhausted self to the gym. But the positive benefits are keeping me motivated. I don't want to look at old photos of the great figure I used to have with a sad feeling anymore...I want to look in the mirror and feel great about what I see. I also want to prove to myself that I can do this. It's not easy...if it was easy, everyone would do it. Sometimes I think, "What am I doing? Every-day-stuff is hard enough without adding all this meal preparation and training to the picture. Who cares if I'm out of shape. I'm a mom." My body is much stronger than my mind. My body if capable of so much. It's my mind that causes problems! I can't tell you how often I go on Instagram and look at motivating photos of fit moms, just to get myself to put on my gym clothes and go there. 

So that's what's been going on around here. I hope to blog again soon!

xoxoxo

Warm Ovens and Cold Mornings

I've been keeping the kitchen warm with baking. The last pumpkin pie has been finished off and now we're on to more Christmasy things like gingerbread cutouts, buttery lemon rounds, almond anise cookies, and a few dozen meringues, full of dark chocolate chunks. 

We've been having frosty, ice cold mornings. I took a backpack with me on a recent walk through the woods and gathered larch cones and pine branches to decorate our home for the holidays. Paired with simple white candles they make the most humble, beautiful arrangements. 

Now, when the branches are bare, I spot so many woodpecker holes and squirrel nests . From Rafael's room we can also look out the window and watch ravens in the tree outside, cawing, wiping their beaks on the branches, and sometimes looking back at us. So many of the other creatures are burrowed away now, hiding from the cold, and it is kind of nature to give us the open sky and naked trees in winter, that we may observe the birds so closely, who are mostly hidden by green foliage in the warmer seasons. 

The days, though short in terms of light, feel very long. Rafael is going through a difficult phase, seeming dissatisfied and irritated much of the time. Maybe we are alone too much. Maybe he should be with other children more often. I wonder if he is bored. Our walks in the woods are so much shorter now that it is cold, and then we are left with a lot of time at home, and although we have Play-Doh, crayons, Playmobil and puzzles, Raffi appears to have lost some interest in playing with these things. I ask him if he'd like to bake cookies or read a book, and he just seems annoyed with everything I suggest. I ask myself: Is this a phase? Or do I need to make a change?

On clear, freezing cold nights, walking the dogs down the quiet neighborhood streets, the stars pierce the darkness, and I get that strange feeling in my stomach that I always get when I look up at the night sky. There is something about seeing that open space, feeling so small under it's gigantic darkness, which both frightens and fascinates me. Seeing the stars, knowing they aren't just tiny lights but actual physical things that I could touch and walk on if I was close enough...

I also get that strange feeling in my stomach when I see airplanes soaring through the sky. I always wonder: where is it headed? Who is inside? What are the stories and dreams and hopes and disappointments and fates of all those passengers? And then my stomach starts feeling funny, and I think: to those people in the plane, looking down, I am just an insignificant dot. 

xoxoxo

Simple Happy Things

Simple, happy things: 

- Chewy homemade Oreo brownies under a glass dome, surrounded by pumpkins and pressed leaves

- Walks in the autumn woods with friends and family

- A friend's gift of farm-fresh apples, packaged in a simple brown box

- Rafael snacking spicy lebkuchen cookies and milk at the kitchen counter

- Bright leaves falling everywhere, covering everything

- Sweet carrots from the farmer's market, scrubbed clean and served with hummus in an old teacup

- My two-year-old son, immersed for hours in nature

- Kiki catching leaves mid-flight in the air, and chasing them on windy days

- The loving bond between Raffi and his cousins

- Peeking in on my little boy napping, cuddled into his cowboy bedding

I have been taking so many photos lately that I can hardly keep up with the photoshop editing and blogging. So much beauty out in the woods....if Rafael didn't have to nap in the middle of the day we would be in the forest from dawn til dusk! 

xoxoxo

Rainy Days

Happy September everyone!

Fall is spreading bit by tiny golden bit throughout our village and forest. We've been having some rainy days, which Rafael likes much more now that he is old enough to enjoy indoor activities, or throw on waterproof suits and boots and head out into the woods for some muddy adventures. 

I've been getting back into baking. Cold weather just makes me want to get dough between my fingers and spend time in the warm kitchen with apples and cinnamon. 

As we grow together as a family, and feel at ease in our daily rhythm, I begin to long for a sibling for Rafael, a new addition to the family. A brand new being to love.

xoxo

Happy Halloween!

Having friends with babies gave us the perfect excuse to throw a Halloween party...who doesn't want to see their little one in an adorable costume? 

Rafael was a perfectly round Jack-O-Lantern, Ramon was a cowboy, and I was a black cat. In our group of friends there was a Doctor in scrubs, Mary Poppins, and a Vampire couple. Raffi's little friends consisted of a frog princess, Superman, and Count Dracula.

Today, the perfect thick mist was curled all around the village, so fitting to Halloween! I baked a chocolate cake, covered it in cream cheese frosting, and topped it with little marshmallow ghosts. It was already getting dark when I took the photo of the cake at 4 o'clock, and it was so dark when guests arrived that the photos didn't turn out. So, we will have to keep this Halloween saved by memory. And make a note for next year: take photos while it's still light out!

It's crazy to think that, next Halloween, Rafael will be able to tell me what he wants to dress up as. This is all going so incredibly fast. (Have I mentioned that he's walking now?!)

I hope you and yours enjoyed a fun and festive Halloween! 

xoxo

September Days

"The breezes taste
Of apple peel.
The air is full
Of smells to feel-
Ripe fruit, old footballs,
Burning brush,
New books, erasers,
Chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive,
Well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts
Chrysanthemums.
Like plates washed clean
With suds, the days
Are polished with
A morning haze."
- John Updike, September

We've been enjoying these first September days. The air is a bit cooler, and there are a few yellow leaves here and there. I've tossed out the withering tomato vines and replaced them with chrysanthemum, white cyclamen, and silver ragwort. In the woods, nature has it's own flowers of the season on display, like the wild heather pictured above, feathery and delicately purple on the mossy hillsides. 

Mornings stay dark noticeably longer now, and it makes me remember last winter, when Rafael was so small, and we would wake up together when it was still dark. We would tiptoe into his room, warm and smelling of the heaters, and play quietly, as the room slowly grew lighter and lighter, and the sky behind naked trees outside turned from black to grey to white. Those were such precious hours. Even as a tired mommy, I knew to cherish them. It felt like we were the only people awake in the world, in our dimly lit, cozy den. 

I look forward to winter mornings like that again.

But first....glorious autumn. 

xoxoxo

Windfall Apple Pie

Happy September!

The weather has turned and we had two rainy days and nights. Some trees have yellow leaves that fly off into the wind. And for me, even though the calendars officially say something else, September marks the beginning of fall.

Ramon makes the perfect pie dough. Mine always seem to end up on the tough side, but his are always flaky, buttery perfection. So whenever I want to make pie, he's in charge of the dough.

With the cold weather and rain, and autumn's arrival tingling like a song in my heart, I knew it was time for apple pie. I used windfall apples, the ones that fall on the ground and tend to have bruises or imperfections. These are easily cut away, though, and what's left is tart, crisp apple, ready to be tossed with cinnamon and sugar.

This is the best apple pie recipe I've come across, and it's utterly simple and classic. It's an annual fall favorite in this home, and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!

Windfall Apple Pie

adapted from Country Living's Farmhouse Apple Pie

2 1/2 pounds apples (about 7 or 8) peeled, cored, and sliced into thin pieces

2 Tblsp all-purpose flour

3/4 cup sugar (I mix brown and white)

1 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp salt

1 Tblsp lemon juice

2 discs pie dough (We only used one for the pie pictured, and although we had to roll out the two halves real thin, it was enough...and delicious!)

Pre-heat oven to 375° (170°c)

Combine the apple slices with the remaining ingredients.

Place one half of the rolled out dough into a 9-inch pie pan. 

Pour in the apple mixture. 

Top with the remaining dough, pinch together the edges, and crimp them.

Cut vents into the top dough for steam to escape.

Bake for 50-55 minutes, until golden and bubbly.

Cool on kitchen counter until room temperature. Don't cut until fully cooled, or the juices will run.

Enjoy! And HAPPY FALL!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Playgroup On A Sunny Day

It was supposed to be an afternoon of crafting. Me and my three mommy-friends met for Easter crafting last month, and wanted to meet up again for some more creativity. But, as it is with babies, you can't always stick to the plan. We ended up sitting in a circle in Rafael's room, talking, watching our chubby babies roll and screech around. So, we didn't make anything. But I told my girls, "I made Rafael, so I don't really have to make anything else for the rest of my life."

Here are some pictures from today, beginning with Rafael waiting for his buddies to arrive:

Kiki was sleeping in the sun on the couch. Of course, when our guests arrived, she sprang up and barked around, and led everyone to the treat drawer, where she always expects people to give her a treat. I bought a tiny bouquet of roses for the coffee table. Flowers make me so happy.

I baked Strawberries And Cream Muffins for the first time, and was quite pleased. Everyone loved them and all twelve were eaten by the end of the day.

I had my collection of fabrics out, hoping to make a hand-sewn baby rattle. Still hoping.

These little munchkins are just so distracting.

None of us regretted playing with our babies instead of crafting for a single minute.

xoxo