At Home

Considering all of the nature photos on this blog, it would seem we live in the forest. But we actually do spend a lot of time in our cozy little home. 

Here are a few photos I took today, walking around our place. 

Chestnuts, acorns, and other things Rafael and I have found on our walks, along with a tiny white pumpkin that an elderly lady gave Raffi from her garden. He plays with it a lot....he loves his little pumpkin. So it's a bit scraggly already. Maybe you noticed the little beech flower with the white felt ball...my mother-in-law made it, and I find it so so sweet.

Some of my favorite books, which I use to press leaves...

Raffi has some of his fall books on display in his room. His favorite right now is Happy Halloween Curious George. I gave it to him so that he might understand Halloween when we celebrate it this year.

This boy adores children's books and magazines. Here he is this morning, during one of his reading marathons. Sometimes he is in his room looking at his books and magazines for over an hour.

Rafael has a lantern, a rabbit-shaped night light, and this little Winnie the Pooh flashlight. Because it is getting dark so early, we like having little lights that we take with us on evening walks. I think it's especially important to create little traditions for cold weather and short-days. Lighting candles at dinner, turning up the heaters before bath time, taking a thermos of hot cocoa or tea on walks.

Tiny baby-boo pumpkins and a handmade autumn garland from a generous and thoughtful friend. 

And of course many, many pumpkins, in all shapes and colors. I seem to bring one home ever day in fall.

I try my best to make this brand-new apartment feel like an old house with character. One fortunate factor is that we have the corner apartment, nestled into the woods, with a river bending around one side. Of course I dream of some day owning an old renovated farmhouse, with lots of history and charm. But for now, I am grateful to have our warm, safe home, which we have filled with love and our own stories, day by day. 

xoxoxoxo

Books and Berries

 

Sometimes I think of nice things I would like to do with Rafael, and then, while we are in the middle of it, I realize that it is a reenactment of a pleasant childhood memory of my own. Picking blackberries for pie and going to the library are recent examples.

I am sitting in our deep white couch now, with shins and forearms stinging from blackberry brambles. But it's a familiar feeling associated with something happy. We rode our bikes down a sunny dirt path this morning and picked blackberries under the hot August sun. Rafael doesn't know what pie is yet, but he will soon. I remember the huge messes of brambles that flanked the dusty dirt roads in my home town. Back then, as now, I would pick berries while thinking about eating the pies they would be put into. Washed in a colander, tossed with sugar and flour, poured into a yellow hollow of dough, topped with latticed strips, and then baked until the purple-red juice bubbled over. The impatient hours spent waiting for the baked pie to set, resisting the urge to slice it open...cutting the pie while it was hot and runny would ruin it. And then finally, you eat your first bite, and it is deliciously tangy, sweet, and buttery, all at once. 

Every step belongs to the ritual; the foraging, the thorn scrapes, the assembling, the baking, the waiting, the eating. Rafael is learning about it this summer.

Last week I dressed Raffi in a button-down shirt, slacks, and leather shoes. I told him about the library while we walked hand-in-hand on the sidewalk; that it's a place where you can borrow books. He was very interested in the idea, and kept repeating the concept back to me on our way: "Library...you can borrow books there. Library...you can borrow books there, right, Mommy?" "Yes, we borrow books at the library."

When we arrived, I told the two elderly librarians that this was my son's first trip to the library. I expected them to acknowledge that this was a special occasion, and to introduce him to the children's section. I was in fact very excited about this first trip to the library; I had fantasies about bonding with Rafael over piles of books, and about handing him his very first library card. In reality, the first thing he did was pull some books off of the shelf, and one librarian said, "Young man, would it be possible for you to not take books off of the shelves?" Rafael was already on his way to the next aisle, where he found children's dvds. My romantic notions were bursting. "Let's get this one, Bob the Builder, Mama! This one, yes? We can borrow it Mama!" "Yes, we'll borrow it, but look over here, look at these books Raffi, look how wonderful."

There were whole crates filled with children's books, many of them quite old, with lovely illustrations. After some coaxing, I did get Rafael to leave the dvd section and join me in looking at books. We picked out four, and then I saw it: The Lupine Lady, one of my favorite books from childhood. And suddenly I was transported back to the library of my childhood, cool and quiet, with the sweet, musty, lovely smell of books. The large windows looking out onto the street; the tiny table with the tiny computer sitting on it; Anne of Green Gables, The Babysitters Club, The Hounds of the Morrigan. I remembered venturing into the adult's section and finding an enormous hardcover book with paintings from Van Gogh, and looking at those sunflowers for a long, long time. 

It became so clear to me why taking Rafael to the library was important to me: this was something I had enjoyed as a child, and I wanted to make sure he enjoyed it, too.

We got our family library card, and checked out five books, including The Lupine Lady, and yes, a Bob the Builder dvd. Rafael watched while the librarian pounded the stamp onto the slips inside, and then we tucked the books into his little felt bag and left. It wasn't as romantic as I had imagined; but it was real, and special, and we'll go back many times, I think. I hope Rafael will make some good memories there.

xoxo

August

"The afternoon was a lazy afternoon, not hot-lazy when you don't want to move, but leisurely-lazy, when you did only what you wanted and took your time about it." -Hal Borland, Book Of Days

When August rolls around, the sun bakes the dirt path and the air vibrates with the metallic sound of crickets, and we seek shade and cold water to wade in. I start getting that feeling, that longing for fall, mixed with anticipation, which is one of the reasons I love this month. The trees seem weighed down with heat, and send the first little bright speckled leaves down to the ground. They float on the glistening surface of the river, and cluster between water-smoothed rocks along the way. These hot days of insect song and loud engines and bare feet, tired bees and worn moth wings, the stubbly harvested hay fields and children with ice cream dripping down their fists, are so enchanting that I sometimes feel sentimental about them before they end. 

The changing of seasons always gives me butterflies in my stomach. I am reminded of the passing of time, of my mortality, and am overcome with the longing to experience all the beautiful things there are to see and do in the world. I get a strange nervous feeling, the feeling that I am not doing enough, not living enough. I promise myself I will get out more with my camera. And that I will capture as much of the season as I can. 

Rafael fell ill yesterday and we're trapped inside on one of the hottest days of the year. All the windows are closed to keep the heat out. I do long for the shady woods; at this time of year I am on the look-out for the first mushrooms and asters. But right now my little boy needs me, and we will get through these days, and I will have the chance to get out with my camera soon enough.

xoxoxo

Winter Days

Hello! Happy new year!

2012 ended quietly for us. We were sick throughout the holidays, holed up in our home, fighting a virus, all the way through the new year. 

Now we are healthy and strong again, enjoying the freshly fallen snow and the coziness indoors. January as it should be.

Rafael is thriving. Communicating, laughing, playing, observing, learning, and loving (I get so many kisses every day!). Daily life with him is what keeps me from blogging more often. I am deeply involved in being his mother. And it's a beautiful thing.

As it always is in January, I have the longing for a clean slate at home. Once I clear up the Christmas decorations, the first thing I like to do is buy flowers and candles. This week it was pink anemones and a green tea scented candle. I also found these two little house-shaped lanterns, which glow next to the framed ultrasound photo of our Blueberry. 

I am enjoying the normalcy and simplicity that January brings. Meeting up with friends who were away for the holidays. Marking birthdays and playdates on my 2013 calendar and envisioning what this year might hold. Rushing to the window early in the mornings with Raffi to watch the big orange snowplow clearing the path across the river from our home. Cooking our simple lunches and eating them side by side, feeling satisfaction when Rafael gobbles up big portions of broccoli, rice and chicken. Naps cuddled up together, and Raffi waking me up with kisses and saying the 'sentence' that he repeats a hundred times a day: "Mama, Papa, Kiki." 

I hope you are all feeling good about this gift we have been given...a new year. A fresh set of four seasons. 12 months in which we will learn, grow, and get to know ourselves even more.

xoxoxo

Rafael Turns 8 Months!

Saying Rafael 'loves to throw toys' is putting it mildly. He has recently shocked and amazed us by throwing toys into baskets! He actually aims and throws. We could hardly believe our eyes when he did it the first time. His passion for throwing toys comes from sitting on my lap while I tossed toys for the dogs.

Four more months and this wonderful little boy will be a year old. Unbelievable. Suffice to say I can't imagine life without him, and I sometimes get heart palpitations at the idea of something happening to him. The blessing of his smile and health are overwhelming.

The days when he was a quiet observer are officially over. He understands more and more, and when we communicate with each other, it's such an amazing feeling. When I hand him a toy and say 'throw,' and he throws, it's incredible. When I sing his favorite song and he perks up, smiles at me, and bounces his body with joy and recognition, it's so cool!

I love introducing him to new foods. He eats three meals a day, two of which are either with fruit and yogurt or fruit and grains, and one meal that is vegetables with either meat, cream, or butter mixed in. He snacks on millet puffs, spelt cookies, carrot sticks, or banana slices. He loves sucking on a piece of cooked steak, nibbling on bits of cheese, or when I hand him a piece of my pizza crust for him to gnaw on. I'm inspired by the book 'Real Food For Mother And Baby,' but am much more lenient about things like bread and sugar. If I'm eating a little oatmeal cookie and he reaches for it, I let him eat a piece. I am really looking forward to sharing all of the tasty berries and fruits with him that are going to be in season soon. (He also still nurses: after meals and to fall asleep).

There have been a few nights this past week where he has screamed and cried himself to sleep, despite my efforts to comfort him with holding, rocking, singing, or offering to breastfeed. He'll actually push me away as if he's angry with me. I heard from other mothers that this can happen, mostly just to let off steam or because the child was overwhelmed with all they saw and learned that day. Still, when this happens, it breaks my heart, and I feel helpless and so sorry for my baby. I stay with him, either holding him or just sitting beside him, until he falls asleep. Other nights, I nurse him and he falls asleep within ten minutes. I have yet to discover a pattern or understand why he sometimes has such a hard time going to sleep.

What an adventure this all is! And even though I knew I would love and adore my baby long before I had him, I wasn't prepared for all the fun, and I didn't expect that we would become this pair of people who are like a team. Like best friends. Doing everything together and getting to know one another. Parents tend to talk so much about the hard things, but what has taken me by surprise are all the moments where we share so much laughter, love, playfulness, and communication. Already now, at the 8 month mark!

xoxo

Some Favorite Things In January

Make your own tags and ornaments with homemade salt dough, alphabet stamps, and paint.

Recipe here.

The breathtakingly beautiful Swedish home of a blogger named Julia. All of her text is in Swedish, but you actually don't need to understand anything...the photos speak for themselves.

The pictures of her home, garden, and family, just fill me with inspiration and happiness.

Visit her blog, Julias Vita Drommar, here.

These DIY tea bags for Valentine's Day gifts. So simple and sweet!

Find the instructions here.

This handmade canvas backpack. Just think of all the things you could fit in here for hikes in the wilderness! Camera, snacks, thermos....Available here.

This newspaper snippet. Hehehe. Originally posted here.

This book! My mom sent it to me and it's great. It also has a very easy format for someone who has to dip in and out as time (i.e. baby) allows. You can find it for yourself or some new parents you know here.

This woman's pantry makeover, which you can see here.  Our pantry is in absolute chaos right now and I really hope Ramon will help me organize it this weekend. This woman's pantry is a great inspiration.

This quote from the amazing singer Adele.

In this month of New Year's resolutions, I can relate to her words.

Life isn't about being skinny.

At least it shouldn't be!

Here's to all the women who, despite so much pressure from all around (even other women!), don't lose sight of all of the great things about them and about their lives that are so much more important than fitting into a certain size of jeans.

xoxoxo

A New Path

"Imagine that every thought you have, every word you utter, every deed of yours brings some benefit to the world." -Deepak Chopra, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire


With this intention, so full of grace and goodness, I begin the new year with you all.

A new path, a fresh start. A time to remember our promises to ourselves, and a time to refresh them. And another row of four beautiful seasons, stretched out ahead, to be explored and celebrated.

Rejoice! We have been given a new year!

xoxo

Good Cheer

"The man who radiates good cheer, who makes life happier wherever he meets it, is always a man of vision and of faith. He sees the blossoming flower in the tiny seed, the silver lining to every cloud, and a beautiful tomorrow in the darkest today.


Good cheer is something more than faith in the future, it is gratitude for the past and joy in the present. Life for all of us has its hardships and disappointments. It is out of such stuff as this that human character is made. But after all this world is a pretty good place and we at least owe each other the courtesy of a smiling face and the inspiration of a cheery word.


To go about our work with pleasure, to greet others with a word of encouragement, to be happy in the present and confident in the future, this is to have achieved some measure of success in living."

-Edwin Osgood Grover, The Book Of Good Cheer, 1913

I have been hot and grumpy lately, dragging my swollen feet around, feeling every task to be a huge burden. The hair salon colored my hair too dark and I felt like crying when I looked in the mirror. I still get mad when I look in the mirror. Heat radiates from the road and sky and sweat drips down my forehead and back all day long.. Every person who stops me to make small talk about my pregnant belly is secretly despised. I just want to lay under a fan and be left alone.

And then today I had an appointment at the hospital for the final check up before my due date. And there was my baby on the screen, healthy, everything perfect, his head in birthing position, his heart beating strong.

How can I stay grumpy after that?

I came home and napped under the ceiling fan, then woke up refreshed and vacuumed, emptied the dish washer, cooked rice and meat for the dogs, scrubbed and boiled potatoes for dinner, and sat down to write this post. And ate lemon and raspberry ice cream with fresh red currents.

Thank you, my healthy little boy, for putting everything into perspective for your Mommy.

36 Weeks

My belly actually looks quite small in this photograph. Much smaller than it feels or looks in reality! It has continued stretching out to an unbelievable size. I'm amazed at my skin's ability to stretch this much, especially without any stretch marks! (Which I really hope continues to be true.)

This picture does show, however, how swollen my fingers are lately. They look like stumpy little breakfast sausages, and are, at times, painful. Sometimes I wonder if pregnancy is preparing women for the aches and pains of old age. I walk around complaining like an old woman much of the time, about my hands, feet, and back! Needless to say I can't wear my wedding and engagement rings anymore.

Finding clothing that fits is progressively more difficult. Tops that I could never have imagined growing out of are too short now and don't fully cover my belly. I've graduated to shirts and dresses that looks more like tents. When my mother-in-law gave me that pink top a few months back, I scoffed and thought, "No way will I ever need to wear this humongous thing." And here I was in the eighth month, digging furiously through my drawer, trying to find something that was airy and comfortable and which covered my entire stomach, and look what I found...the pink top! I was so relieved when I realized that it fit, I actually had a little lump in my throat.

I've been reading and thoroughly enjoying the book Ina May's Guide To Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin. The numerous birth stories within it are so inspiring, and have me very excited and curious about Rafael's journey into this world.

I began weekly acupuncture sessions last week. I had already attended one group session a few months ago to help with my swollen feet, and on that day I was one of six pregnant women there. So naturally I was surprised to be the only one at last week's session! The midwife who holds these sessions said that there were no other pregnant women at the moment. It was very nice to just be with her, we talked the entire time. The acupuncture itself is a very intense sensation. The needles in the top of the head and the pinky toes aren't bad at all, but the ones in my hands and below my knees are very uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the midwife said it will just get more and more intense with each session!

Here's this week's update:

How far along? 36 weeks, 1 day. 

Total weight gain: 21 pounds; lost one pound last week.

How big is baby? According to babycenter.com, almost 6 pounds.

Sleep: I sleep relatively soundly, though I have very strange and sometimes disturbing dreams.


Best moment this week: Laying out on the sunny terrace with my husband and the dogs, a soft breeze blowing, the creek trickling by below, Rafael sliding his foot across my tummy. Such a lovely moment. 

Movement: He's pretty still all morning, then starts moving a lot around midday. 

Food cravings: Not much of an appetite in this heat, and I have to eat very small portions or else I feel sick. Fresh (raw) fruit and vegetables also make me feel sick, which is very hard for me to accept. I mostly eat müsli with nuts, fruit and milk; buttered toast; or croissant with turkey ham and gouda. Another small meal I enjoy is a banana, peanut butter, and a cup of raw milk. What I really crave a lot lately is Cranberry juice. I drink it diluted with water and lots of ice cubes. 

Belly button in or out? Flat.

What I miss: Wearing my wedding and engagement rings and, as I've mentioned many times before, being able to move and walk unencumbered. 

What I'm looking forward to: We have a check-up at the hospital on Wednesday that I am looking forward to....always great to be reassured that everything is fine.

Milestone: When this week ends, Rafael will be considered 'full term!' Wow....this amazing journey called pregnancy is almost complete!

Life is Many Days Filled with Small Things

"Life is not, after all, made up of grand moments, grand gestures, glorious achievements. Life is made up of many days filled with small things. Shopping, going to the post office, using the telephone, keeping house-these make up the chief sum of our days. And to me, it seems infinitely greater to make all the people one sees feel a little happier for it than to paint a masterpiece or be in bright lights on Broadway. After we are all gone down the river of time, the simple kindness of those who fulfill their daily tasks graciously will overbalance any special feat."

-Gladys Taber, The Book of Stillmeadow