Christmas

I hope you're all enjoying the holidays. 

Things are very different with my husband home. Rafael is so excited to play and spend time with his father, and he usually pushes me away when I want to join saying, "No Mama, not you. Go away." I don't take it personal, or at least I try not to. I know he is making up for all the many many days his father was away or distracted this past year. Those two have a lot of catching up and bonding to do. 

This was the first Christmas where Rafael was aware of what was going on, so it was a lot of fun to get into all the magic making. Putting out cookies and a letter for Santa, wondering with Raffi what he would get, then clapping and saying 'Hurrah!' when there were gifts under the tree Christmas morning. Santa brought Raffi a big wooden Noah's Ark, and he has been playing with it for hours every day since, putting the animals in and out, and looking for the Mamas of the baby animals, reuniting them. "Where are you Mama Sheep? There is your Mama, little baby sheep. Now you can go in the boat with her."

I do sense that Rafael is going through a difficult period. He is very whiny and resistant to almost everything. He hates going on morning walks, which means that every day begins with a struggle. We try to mix things up, bring toys and tools along, go on new paths, pack a picnic. But he's not having it. He gets specific ideas in his head and when they don't happen he has major melt downs. We are doing that balancing act of trying to avoid freak-outs, but also trying to avoid raising a tyrant. It's tough. 

Still, at the end of the day, with our feet up on the coffe table and our nerves slowly easing, we look at each other and say, "Now that he's sleeping, I miss him." "He's so incredibly cute." "Remember when he said this and and did that?" 

Thanks for all of your input regarding my inner dialogue about parenting and the future. I really appreciate it.

xoxoxo

Warm Ovens and Cold Mornings

I've been keeping the kitchen warm with baking. The last pumpkin pie has been finished off and now we're on to more Christmasy things like gingerbread cutouts, buttery lemon rounds, almond anise cookies, and a few dozen meringues, full of dark chocolate chunks. 

We've been having frosty, ice cold mornings. I took a backpack with me on a recent walk through the woods and gathered larch cones and pine branches to decorate our home for the holidays. Paired with simple white candles they make the most humble, beautiful arrangements. 

Now, when the branches are bare, I spot so many woodpecker holes and squirrel nests . From Rafael's room we can also look out the window and watch ravens in the tree outside, cawing, wiping their beaks on the branches, and sometimes looking back at us. So many of the other creatures are burrowed away now, hiding from the cold, and it is kind of nature to give us the open sky and naked trees in winter, that we may observe the birds so closely, who are mostly hidden by green foliage in the warmer seasons. 

The days, though short in terms of light, feel very long. Rafael is going through a difficult phase, seeming dissatisfied and irritated much of the time. Maybe we are alone too much. Maybe he should be with other children more often. I wonder if he is bored. Our walks in the woods are so much shorter now that it is cold, and then we are left with a lot of time at home, and although we have Play-Doh, crayons, Playmobil and puzzles, Raffi appears to have lost some interest in playing with these things. I ask him if he'd like to bake cookies or read a book, and he just seems annoyed with everything I suggest. I ask myself: Is this a phase? Or do I need to make a change?

On clear, freezing cold nights, walking the dogs down the quiet neighborhood streets, the stars pierce the darkness, and I get that strange feeling in my stomach that I always get when I look up at the night sky. There is something about seeing that open space, feeling so small under it's gigantic darkness, which both frightens and fascinates me. Seeing the stars, knowing they aren't just tiny lights but actual physical things that I could touch and walk on if I was close enough...

I also get that strange feeling in my stomach when I see airplanes soaring through the sky. I always wonder: where is it headed? Who is inside? What are the stories and dreams and hopes and disappointments and fates of all those passengers? And then my stomach starts feeling funny, and I think: to those people in the plane, looking down, I am just an insignificant dot. 

xoxoxo

Early Christmas Morning

Just in time for Christmas, my husband and I got very sick with colds. Any plans for celebration were cancelled. But that didn't stop Saint Nick from showing up and delivering gifts. So when Rafael walked into the living room this morning, there were packages tucked under the tree with care. I thought, it's a good thing he's still too young to care whether Christmas is a big deal or not, because Ramon and I are too sick to do anything special. But isn't every day we have each other special?

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas....I hope you are healthy, happy, and enjoying the festivities!

xoxoxo

A Day In December

xoxoxo

Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookies

Over the many years that Ramon and I have been together, we have formed little traditions, which I treasure, no matter how simple, because they are our own. 

One of these traditions is that, every year at Christmas time, and only at Christmas time, we make these cookies. Their ingredients are so simple, and the result so delicious, especially with a tall glass of cold milk. 

When we have finished eating the entire batch (which doesn't take long), I always want to make a second, but never do. Because part of the tradition is that we only have these once a year, which makes them very special.

Here is the recipe, based on one from the ever wonderful Betty Crocker. I hope you will enjoy them as much as we do!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookies

Pre-heat oven to 375°F or 190°C

Ingredients:

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

1/2 cup softened butter

1 egg

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

granulated sugar for rolling

chocolate candies, chunks, or pieces for the middle

Stir the sugars, the peanut butter, the softened butter, and the egg in a standing mixer.

Stir in the flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Add the vanilla and mix.

Form small balls of dough; roll in the granulated sugar. Place about 2 inches apart on ungreased cookies sheets. No need to press them; they will spread on their own.

Bake for about 8 minutes, being careful not to let them get brown, so that they stay chewy.

Immediately after removing then from the oven, press one chocolate firmly into the center of each cookie. 

Cool on a wire rack.

xoxo

Rafael's First Christmas

My favorite thing about our Christmas celebration this year was that, everyone was in perfect harmony with each other. The peace between us was so palpable, and our joy so real. What a blessing!

Ramon cooked most of our delicious feast: two roasted chickens, the annual traditional carrot souffle, mushroom gravy, and two apple pies. I made a beet root, orange, and roasted walnut salad, and my sister in law brought dumplings. I was so proud of Ramon, who only learned how to cook in the past four months, and is astonishingly good at it.

Rafael slept through the all the festivities, which I thought was pretty funny. It was as if he knew it would have all been too much for him. As everyone was putting on their shoes and coats to leave, I heard him rustling in the bedroom and there he was, ready to say a quick hello and goodbye to our guests. It was actually so perfect this way, because I was able to enjoy our meal and gift giving, and we were both stress-free.

The most important thing was that he got to see his great grandmother, and that I got a few photographs of them together. I am glad that he will see them someday, when she is gone, and he doesn't remember.

Once the last person shut the door behind them, our home was still and warm and we let out sighs and relaxed. I put Raffi into some reindeer pajamas and we opened his gifts with him. Holding my chubby little angel, sitting by the twinkling Christmas tree, whispering to him about Santa, unwrapping a little wooden carousel and a vintage race car....it was all such a dream come true.

It was a very special Christmas, indeed. Probably the most special of all.

xoxo

My Christmas Wish For You All

Merry and bright, festive and fun.

Wishing you all magical moments and cheerful celebration!

xoxo country girl

'Twas Two Nights Before Christmas...

I shot these while Rafael was napping. It was very quiet, with the twinkling lights of the christmas tree, the warm glow of the candles, and the clove and citrus scent of pomanders. This year I wasn't able to decorate all at once like I usually do, because as a mother, you must steal moments to get anything done that doesn't have to do with the baby. But this made the fun last longer, and I really enjoyed putting little pieces here and there over the days.

Today we bounced around town, getting our major grocery shopping done, and I loved seeing people I know (or didn't know) and greeting them with a smile and a hearty 'Frohe Weihnachten!' Everyone is so busy in the days leading up to Christmas, and I noticed very strongly that some people love the holidays, while others become a bitter, annoyed, and frustrated mess (this was very apparent in line for cheese and milk at the farmer's market). Thank goodness, my husband and I belong to the people who really enjoy the holidays.

My husband brought the Canon 5D camera from his workplace and invited me to take photos with it over the holidays. I am so in love with this camera. As much as you can be in love with something inanimate. I didn't do a single thing to these pictures in photoshop, and these were taken in the evening, in our home, with very little light. I am so impressed! We can't afford to buy one for ourselves at this point, but I am so happy that I have access to this awesome piece of equipment once in a while.

I know you are all busy in your own homes with preparations and festivities...Thank you for dropping by to visit mine, I am always so happy when you do!

I'll be back with more holiday cheer soon...

xoxo country girl

When Will It Feel Like Christmas?

Not a single snow flake so far. Not one.

Ramon complained the other day: "It doesn't feel like Christmas at all." So I took out a little box of decorations and had Frank Sinatra croon Christmas tunes while I lit candles. Still, it's been awkwardly warm (not really warm but warm for December) and we're all starting to wonder: When will it start to feel like Christmas?

The advent wreath I made a few weeks back was shedding needles and looking quite sad. I finally decided to take it apart and transform it into an advent bowl. It looks very pretty and made me think of my mom, who always knew how to make something out of nothing. Once we lived in one room together. We ate meals sitting on pillows on the floor, cooked on a hot plate, and slept in one bed. But it was clean, and warm, and cozy. I guess I learned how to think creatively from her.

So mom, this impromptu advent bowl is dedicated to you.

It does make it feel a little more like Christmas.

xoxoxo

Favorite Things These Days

* Staying up after Rafael and Ramon have gone to bed for some 'me' time

* Crawling into bed in the pitch black darkness, hearing them breath, and pulling Rafael to me, breathing in the sweet smell of his baby head

* Visiting the most beautiful corners of the world through people's photographs and discovering my favorites on flikr

* Greek yogurt with nuts and honey

* The sound of my husband's key in the door at the end of the day

* Having a cleaning lady come for two hours every Friday (this is a Godsend)

* Watching kids bundled up in scarves with red noses skating clumsily on the ice rink in the town square, and imagining Raffi doing it when he's older

* Ginger Ale mixed with cranberry juice

* The country farm, foggy hillside, dogs cats horses, and quiet contemplative words of Nadia

* Medicine that is healing me and soothing my pain

* The farmer's market

* Boston napping on the couch like a person with his belly up, his legs splayed, and his head on a pillow

* Cuddling up on the couch with my boys and the dogs to watch the casting show The Voice Of Germany on Thursday and Friday nights, cheering the contestants on and getting goosebumps when they sing

* Rafael's smiles

* Rafael's gibberish conversations with me while I change his diapers

* My husband's roasted chicken

* Seeing houses sparkle in Christmas lights on freezing cold evening walks through town

* Kiki jumping up on the bed while I'm nursing Raffi even though she's not allowed...but letting her stay, because she just looks so happy and peaceful sleeping there, and I know how much she misses it


Wishing you all many favorite things to sweeten your days.

xoxoxo

P.S. I have the most wonderful readers....friends, really. Thank you all so much for the nice things you shared after my last post. I'm healing well and hope that I will be lucky enough to continue breast feeding Rafael for a long time.