Monday, December 13, 2010

there is also green in december

Snow has melted and then hardened again into boils and humps of slick, slippery ice, and you have to be careful taking walks now. I took advantage of the fact that we were walking very slowly down the dirt road that winds through the woods to survey the base of the hillside for nature treasures. I found so many lovely little things: seeds, pods, moss, fungi, and a little heart-shaped stone.

As I walked gingerly along the icy way, seeing the frozen moss and cold folded leaves of oxalis, I thought about how plants and growth halt in winter. I thought, All our dreams and creativity wait like seeds within us. Ignoring them or not believing in them is like covering them with snow and ice, freezing those dreams into dormancy. And contemplating them, believing in them, taking action towards realizing them, is like shining sun and showering rain on them. I wondered how many seeds of creativity are waiting, dormant, for me to see them and nurture them into existance.

When I got home, nose and fingertips frozen, I arranged my finds carefully in the beautiful hand-carved harvest bowl I love so much. The fallen bird's nest was a find from a couple weeks ago and it completed the collection of tiny nature treasures for December.

After I took this photo, I placed the little bits and pieces into the nest, and admired the few but beautiful things of December. They looked like a little rainbow.

Thank you for words which were like warm embraces yesterday. I considered deleting that post numerous times, simply because it is so painful to read and remember. This past weekend, and even today, I have been drawn back into that fog of grieving which dampens all the other sounds and experiences. It lowers my energy, isolates me. I have been living in that fog on and off since losing our baby. Sometimes I realize I am lost for hours in thoughts or wishing or daydreaming, and don't feel completely here. I truly want to become more present, more productive, and live in constant gratitude instead of feeling unfulfilled.

Thank you all so much for always being here, wrapping me in your kindness and love.



  1. such beautiful little treasures :)

  2. Dawneee....I so wished I could have been there to hold you through that sad time of the other's OK to share it and let is breathe...let it just wants to be loved, that feeling of utter aloneness.
    Thank you fo rthe tiny treasures.
    I hope that finding the nest was a sign of new beginnings and getting your new nest ready for your children yet unborn, but already welcome and peeking into your life.

  3. I love and envy the way you embrace your surroundings no matter the season. Hugs!

  4. Oh Dawn you have such a great notice and appreciate your surroundings! Amazing...

    Continued prayers going your way...and ((hugs))..

    xoxo Gert

  5. You are an inspiration to me Dawn. Each post you share, whether it be full of truth and pain or notes about nature and beauty- each post is a gift that you are giving us your readers.
    Your strength inspires me.
    Warm hugs to you my friend.

  6. You would love my friend Kerri from New Zealand. You and she both have poetic hearts and fairy wings. Her blog address is:

  7. Dawn, just read the post you made and my heart aches for you. Sending all healing prayers your way.
    Love how you find so many treasures on your nature walks, even in the bone chilling cold you always find somethng wonderful. Love the heart shaped rock. Think it's a sign things will improve soon. xxoo

  8. I am always amazed by Winter, it is full of beautiful and colourful surprises to soothe the soul
    Love Morwenna



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