Sunday, September 21, 2014

The Day My Mom Died









These pictures were taken just outside of San Francisco on the morning of August 25th. Later that day, my Mom died. She had been ill for a long time without knowing it, and once she found out, it went fast. We flew to her and spent her final days together. I was there, holding her foot, when she passed. 

Her illness was one of the reasons I stopped writing here. I found it hard to concentrate, hard to write about the beauty in each day. 

I don't know if I will continue this blog. Lately I find it hard to share personal things. 

I can tell you this: Rafael is blossoming, healthy, hilarious, and the most amazing person I've ever met. He is doing very well. 

The woods are still my sanctuary, the dogs are still my comfort, and my husband is still my best friend. 

I miss my Mom every day. It is unfair, and cruel, that she is gone. The past couple of years have been difficult, and I have had to be very strong. 

Fortunately, my life is also sparkling with blessings, wonders, and miracles.

Love, Dawn




40 comments:

  1. Oh Dawn, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I too have lost my mother. It is one of the greatest bonds on earth. Take time and take care of yourself. ♥

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  2. Dawn, I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your mother. Mine has been gone since 1983, and she is in my thoughts daily! Sending you hugs and prayers! xo

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  3. Dawn, I too am so very sorry to hear such heartbreaking news. I have wondered often what might have taken you away from this space...you bring such a beauty and light into the world with what you share. I wish you the time and the space to grieve and to heal and to find your way forward surrounded by those who love you. Your mother must have been so very proud to have raised such a warm and loving woman...that's a legacy that you will carry forward in everything you do.

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  4. I am so, so sorry. Losing my own mom 8 years ago was the most shocking and traumatic thing I have ever gone through and I still miss her terribly. I am sorry you are having to go through this.

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  5. It is heartbreaking to lose a mom, we only have one. My mom died at the young age of 54 and that was hard to endure. I hope you regain your joy in blogging again and keep in touch here.

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  6. Dearest Dawn...despite the wonderful pictures, I can feel your rawness and grief. Take the time you need. I hope you come back to us. Thinking if you with much love xoxo

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  7. Dear Dawn ~ I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. Flow and grow with your grief. You are already doing a very positive thing by counting your 'blessings, wonders and miracles'. God bless you.

    Your photos are lovely as always. It is amazing to me seeing how Rafael is no longer a baby, or a toddler, but a sweet young boy.

    Love & hugs ~ FlowerLady

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  8. Dearest Dawn,
    I am so very sorry for the terribly sad loss of your mother. I know how much you loved her, and I am absolutely sure she appreciated all the time you were able to spend with her in her final days.
    Please know that my thoughts are with you during this difficult time and I am sending you all of my love.
    Lots of love to you, Ramon and Rafael
    xxxx

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  9. Oh Dawn, I was afraid something had happened in your life when you were away from blogging for so long. I'm very sorry for your loss. What a blessing you were able to be with her at the end. I know that meant the world to her and to you.

    I know the pain of losing a parent. I lost my dad when I was only 32 and then 15 months later my mother passed away from a horrible neurological disease. So at the age of 33 I was without either parent, and no siblings. It was a tough time, but I got through it thanks to my wonderful husband.

    Only time will heal the pain. Eventually the sad feelings will be replaced by happy memories. Please know that you are in my thoughts. I'm very happy to read that Rafael is doing so well. Whether you decide to keep blogging or not is your personal choice, of course. But remember that you can always come back to it when you're in better spirits. Wishing you well,
    Claudia

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  10. I'm sorry. My mom died suddenly 10 years ago at the age of 52. It was truly the worst moment of my life. Having no family outside of my husband and daughters, I found sanctuary in an aol journal that I had created. I made friends from all over the world.. amazing women with struggles and stories like my own.
    Blogging during difficult times is hard... I totally get that!! I still have those moments when life's a struggle and I don't know what to say.

    Take care of yourself and take refuge in your family ... and when you are feeling up to it.. you will blog. You will find things that make you smile and you'll want to share them.

    Beautiful photos btw!!!

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  11. So sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a parent is always so hard. My Mother died after a long, lingering illness and then 10 years later my Dad died suddenly and that was even worse.
    But time does heal us, we keep their memories close and they live on in us.
    I find my blogging a necessary part of my life even though I don't share many of the very personal parts of my life.
    It helps to know that others care.

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  12. Dawn,
    I have checked daily hoping you would return. You have always been my favorite blog to read and view. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. I too lost my mother at a young age, 26, and miss her always. Try to focus on the good memories of her, she lives on in beautiful you and your precious son.
    Karen

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  13. Like the other days I was checking if you are back, at first I was very happy that there is a new post, I just utterred in my mind , that thanks god you are okay and back, but later came to know about your great loss.
    May allah give you the strength to go through this pain. Your friends are always with you, willbe waiting for your writing, plz take your time.

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  14. I'm sorry. We never know what life will throw at us do we? May your journey to healing be swift and your sadness becomes remembering good times.

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  15. I know how emotional this can be. I lost my husband of 36 years on Nov 10 2012. I still get emotional, especially now that I am having to give up my home and move. It sold and it is bittersweet. I have 16 out of 36 married years of memories tied up in this home. As I sort through all the things, deciding what to keep and what to sell and what to donate, it brings tears on occasion. But I do have such cherished memories and those I am thankful for. Hold tight to that and let it be the smile of every day. It is okay to cry and mourn.

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  16. I am heartbroken for you, Dawn. As a mother, you know how precious that gift is. I am certain that your mom felt your love, and I am glad that you were able to be with her. Please hug that sweet boy of yours. When I saw your update in my email notifications, I was so happy...have missed your blog, chronicling your life...the good, the bad and bittersweet.

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  17. Dear Dawn, I am so saddened to hear of your loss. Sending love and light your way. Love, Catherine

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  18. My heart goes out to you, Dawn - there is no one on earth like our mothers. I am so sorry for your loss.

    I am glad I kept you in my reader, and even though the news was sad, it was great reading a post from you. You've been missed.

    Take good care of yourself.

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  19. Dear Dawn,to loose our mother is something cruel and you will need all your strenght.
    But death is part of life and you have to overcome your sorrow qith courage,Our dearest never die when we have them in our heart.Continue talking about her to your son and you will see that even him so little will remember her! So she will continue to live in your house. She is in a better place and will never leave you.You can still talk to her and open your hearth to her.Believe me she's listening! My love to you xxxxxx
    Carla

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  20. Dear Dawn,

    I am so sorry that you are experiencing such pain right now. I mourn with you, and pray that God will make His face shine upon you and give you peace.

    With love,
    Raquel

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  21. After all these months of your absence, Dawn, I knew you must have experienced a tragedy. I am so very sorry for your loss and heartbreak. That special bond we have with our mothers leaves one devastated when she is taken from us. Each of us grieves in our own time and way. I hope and pray that as you find your path through this 'new' life, you'll find your way back to us. Maybe at first, just sharing your photos. No words necessary. But, from my own experiences I know that when your heart feels empty, the amount of energy that it takes to do 'anything' can be overwhelming and often impossible to approach for quite some time. Just know that you are loved and missed, and I pray that eventually you'll find a sense of peace again. With Love, Judyxxx

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  22. So sorry for your loss. There are no words really. It's five years since I lost my mum and I still struggle sometimes to put the challenging and ugly last years when she was sick behind and bring the happy moments to surface. I came across a picture of the two of us while decluttering the other day. I was unbelievably happy to find it. It was taken at a wedding, a couple of years before she got sick, and we are both adults and having a good time. I cried and smiled at the same time when I found it. it's on the fridge door now. It helps me focus on the good times. I actually started my blog when she passed away to help me move on.
    Hold on to the good memories, Dawn. Always here if you want to talk.
    Hugs,
    Yiota
    xo

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  23. So sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you much strength during this hard time and send you many positive thoughts.

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  24. Hi !Dawn sending you many blessings, light, and comfort your way .
    and please continue sharing your thoughts and wonderful pictures they are inspirational.

    Mary chicago il

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  25. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, I know your pain also know all that was your Mom lives on in you and your son, honor her memory everyday! She lives on in all you do! Hugs and prayers!!

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  26. Diedra in North CarolinaSeptember 24, 2014 at 3:53 PM

    Dawn, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. With your long silence, I figured something had happened, and so I lifted you and your family in prayer, and now that I know what's going on, I will continue to lift you in prayer. My heart breaks for you. I was so happy to see that you had posted again! As always, you are an inspiration, and you bring joy, and your pictures are beautiful. Your son is precious, and I'm so glad to hear that he is doing so well. Sending you peace, comfort and love.

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  27. Dawn, I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I'm glad you have other blessings in your life, and I know it is also terrible to feel such grief and loss. That is so funny about human beings - we can feel two contradictory things at the same time and both are genuine. SO, be gentle with yourself. You are your mother's legacy to the world, and Rafael is yours. In that small way, none of us ever really die.

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  28. I'm so sorry, Dawn. What a huge loss.

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  29. I'm so very sorry to hear about your mum Dawn. Itmust be an incredibly hard and painful time for you. Sending you love and light from across the other side of the world xxx I hope that you continue to write your blog, it is beautiful and heartfelt and a joy for me to read. Xo

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  30. Dearest friend.
    Such beauty in your pictures, as you recount this difficult time.
    You have been in my thoughts so often. When I go for walks, I often think of you (my way of saying a prayer).
    Love to you always. I am always here.
    xox J

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  31. Oh, Dawn, I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mom. I remember your wonderful posts about her and the loving messages she left on your blog. It was obvious that she adored you. And with her high check bones and warm smile, you two looked so much alike. May you always feel your Mom walking with you.

    Elise

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  34. Dawn, I missed you... I'm so sorry to hear this. Made me think of my mum and how much I love her. I'm glad you were there with her. I don't know if you will continue or not but I hope whatever happens you'll be ok. I guess we will all have to face this one day...and be brave. I hope you have lots of support. Thinking of you and very sorry for your loss xxxxxx

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  35. Just thinking about you today, Dawn, and wanted to leave a note. I remember that fall is your favorite season. I hope that just smelling the breath of autumn gives you moments of comfort. Love to you. Judyxxx

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  39. I am so sorry to hear about your loss! My heartfelt condolences.
    My mom passed away a year ago and I miss the moment by a few hours. Good you were able to be there.

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