How much of your life is really your life? How much of it is made of compromises, or doing what's right for others, or for the 'good of the family'? Is what makes others happy that which makes you happy? And if it's not, how long do you go on being patient, living someone else's dream, supporting them on their path, until it's ok to say, "I'm going to live for me now"? How many sacrifices for a loved one is too much? If your life was a pie chart, how big would the piece be labeled 'Things I Do For Me'?
Isn't it funny how we go about doing what we can to make the other happy, and then we sometimes find out that it's not enough, or that they wanted something else all along?
Isn't it funny how for a long time you think of it as 'our life,' and then one day you ask yourself, 'isn't this actually MY life?'
We build homes, and families, and tightly intertwine our lives. But how close can you ever really be? Even with all of the things which connect us......we sometimes, for deeply sad moments, realize that we are actually alone.
xoxoxo
Being egoistic doesn't mean you think only of yourself. It means you take care of your needs and let people know what they are. It makes things easier. You are caring for yourself and the other person can act upon that without doing what you mentioned above: trying to make someone else happy and then realize it's not what they wanted.
ReplyDeleteThinking positive thoughts for you!
I have always said that if I didn't work in time for myself, there wasn't anyone else who would do it for me. Happiness comes from within. Take care of yourself, Dawn. Sending hugs across the waters!
ReplyDeleteOh my dear friend. I feel like we have so much to talk about, not sure it can all be said here. I am thinking of you. It seems like you are on a real self discovery journey right now. It can be painful, I know, I've been going through it over the past few months too. But on the other side of it all is a new understanding of who you are and what you need. You are honouring yourself, which is so important. Being true to yourself is the only way you can truly live a happy life. It's the only way you can be a good mama, friend, wife ect.... I'm going to send you an email. xox
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me like I have had those same exact moments you are talking about...and I know how lonely it made me feel...till this day, I wonder if things are still the same. Praying for you to find your way, life has a way of testing us sometimes, we just have to be strong enough to make it thru.
ReplyDeleteKristel
Let me begin by saying that I don't know if what you describe here is in any way related to what it brings to mind for me in terms of my own past Dawn. That being said, there was a time I felt a feeling very much akin to what I hear above, and I made the decision to leave my home, husband and family to pursue my own personal dream.
ReplyDeleteI was lucky to have had the opportunity to experience things beyond my wildest imaginings, but at the end of the day my heart was broken in two by my own selfishness. My loved ones never condemned me; they didn't need to as my pain and feelings of loss and self betrayal were condemnation enough.
God is good, and like Job my home and family were restored to me in time. That is not to say that there was no cost to be paid. I pay to this day, as do my grown children. My relationship with my husband has also borne the tax of a decision made so many years ago.
Would I do it again? I ask myself that question daily. I don't know for sure, but I can say that if I knew I would not eventually be restored to my former life, I would never leave. My family is everything to me now, and the dream I left them to pursue is but an ephemeral memory... albeit a cherished one.
A woman's life, especially an artist's life, is a moment by moment exercise in impossible choice. I thank God every day for all that survived my decision to leave, and hold it close to my heart as a constant reminder of what really matters.
Wishing you all the best.
Annie
Thanks for sharing so honestly and from the heart! I feel some fear and also a sunny warm breeze by opening a door to fresh answers.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm learning after many mistakes and very painful dead ends you know all about, is that like someone said earlier, I need to know what I need, know that I can have it when I ask for it with an open mnd and heart. It's a subtle spiritual connection we have and that feeling of longing to be, to belong...the right effort creates the miracles. Sometimes the right effort is exactly what you are doing, asking good questions. Beautiful Heart!
Two things - after you have children, your life isn't just about your needs and desires - you must keep their best interests right next to yours as well. That is something I stuck with, even when I was abandoned. We made it fine. The second thing is that I used to be so happy and content with my life and then things changed and I lost everything, including my balance, and darn, I worked so hard to make it all good for my family. Gone. Just like that. And I had to start all over (again) and truth to tell I will never be the same. I'm okay, fine really, but still a bit broken. Looking back, though, I know I took my life for granted, that I didn't always appreciate what I had, didn't always live authentically in that moment. Looking to the distance instead of what was right in front of me. I own that.
ReplyDeleteOh Dawn you are not alone..we love seeing your posts and photos! Yes, you must take time for yourself and I pray you will be able to find some soon.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Gert
Speak up and to the people who love you. But whatever you do, do NOT start a conversation with 'I am unhappy' as it immediately sets the other people up to become defensive. That is like a slap in the face. Just talk about what you would like to do for yourself. Example: I was thinking how much I would enjoy having some 'me' time to take a watercolor painting class (or a photo class, or dancing or whatever would bring joy to your heart). Introduce an idea, discuss how to make it become reality, and offer to make their ideas become reality as well. Often you will discover that the other person has unspoken dreams or ideas as well. Nothing that is worthwhile in life is always easy.Love and relationships are hard work. But all that input delivers wonderful things.
ReplyDeleteI was married 36 years to my husband, and there were difficulties, especially the last 6 years before he died last November. He had several medical conditions which disabled him and also frontal lobe dementia, which changed him so much. I weathered the very difficult times (especially the final 2 years) because the many years before had given me wonderful memories. The work we both put into our relationship to give us the great memories to fall back on was not easy, but worthwhile.
Just speak up and also listen.
As a mother, I totally relate to living for my children and my husband. Some days I look down at myself, unkept hair and untidy clothes and I think, "When did i stop caring for myself?" But truthfully for me, all those feeling stem from me not taking time to fulfill myself. I need to have down time every day and do the things that I love. Also, I find that many mothers (myself included) need the support of their own families near by. It helps me feel a part of a unit. Like I am never alone. They lift me up when I am sad, and make me a happier person for myself and my family. I think to be truly happy you need a good balance of living for yourself and living for your family. I know now to do those things daily, in order to stay in balance and in a great mood. Do what makes you happy, and your loved ones will reap the rewards as well. Wishing you happiness, Dawn!
ReplyDeleteDawn,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog for a loooonnnggg time. I am really concerned for you.....your posts over the past year sound as if you suffer from depression. I have an aunt who does and she got help and is on maintenance medication.
I can tell you are not happy.
You may not realize it.
Hi Dawn,
ReplyDeleteI love your blog so much - your photos, family, thoughtfulness and words. I sincerely hope you are doing okay. I, too, have worried about you following some of your recent posts. It sounds like there is more heartache in your life right now than there should be. I am glad you share it here, and hope you also have support outside of your blog. Looking forward to the sun shining for you soon!