Monday, May 23, 2011
Grown Up Stuff!
Today doors opened and closed. In my life.
Maybe small things to some, but to me, they feel BIG. Because I am learning to be a grown-up, learning to say NO to things I don't want and don't like, and learning to go after what I know will serve me and my family in the best way possible.
Today, this took form in me making an extremely uncomfortable call to my OB/GYN to say that I am switching to a different doctor in the middle of pregnancy; and also, after a looooong search, finally finding a nice man who will do garden work without robbing us blind.
It feels like I've been schlepping these two annoyances, bad doctor and demanding garden, with me for quite some time now. I realized today that the old me would have just kept going to the doctor I don't like who makes me feel uncomfortable and stupid, and would have hired the first guy to come look at our garden, even though his prices were outrageous and he kept adding new expensive ideas.
The phone call to my doctor was looming over my head. Sometimes I thought of backing out and sticking with her simply to avoid making that awkward call. But this morning I saw it inked in my day calendar and knew perfectly well that, once I did it, I would feel a million pounds lighter. "Her secretary will pick up anyways," I told myself, thinking I would be able to avoid direct confrontation. To my surprise, the doctor picked up, sounding grumpy and disapproving as usual. (Yes, I swear, even her 'Hello' sounds disapproving.) I told her I would have to cancel my appointment, and added that this was because I had found a new doctor. Long pause. Then her slow comment, "I see. Were you unhappy here?" Instead of saying yes (YES! YES YES YES!!! YOU MEAN ARROGANT HAG!), I simply stated that this new doctor of mine was the leading doctor at my hospital, and that I felt very comfortable with her. "I see," she said. "All the best to you. Goodbye." Goodbye! Forever and ever and ever!
I felt so free when I hung up the phone. I did wonder what she was thinking. If she hated me. If she was questioning why I had left her. If she was planning on calling me back and saying something nasty (the imagination is quite something). But mostly, I just felt free. I actually said "Woohoo!" and clapped my hands.
Then at 2 o'clock I had an appointment with a gardener who came recommended by Robert, the handyman who has worked for us for a few years now. Why I never thought to ask him for a recommendation before, I can't say. But after many frustrating meetings with men and companies coming over to look at our gardens and tell us how many thousands of euros it would cost to do what we wanted (mind you, two very small gardens), I finally asked Robert if he had any advice. So this friend of his stopped by, and after surveying our gardens and talking about what we wanted, he suggested a few things, and told me his hourly price. And when he left and I noticed I was smiling, I knew I had finally found our guy.
So now I'm sitting here feeling very proud of myself.
I'm growing up!
xoxo country girl