Today doors opened and closed. In my life.
Maybe small things to some, but to me, they feel BIG. Because I am learning to be a grown-up, learning to say NO to things I don't want and don't like, and learning to go after what I know will serve me and my family in the best way possible.
Today, this took form in me making an extremely uncomfortable call to my OB/GYN to say that I am switching to a different doctor in the middle of pregnancy; and also, after a looooong search, finally finding a nice man who will do garden work without robbing us blind.
It feels like I've been schlepping these two annoyances, bad doctor and demanding garden, with me for quite some time now. I realized today that the old me would have just kept going to the doctor I don't like who makes me feel uncomfortable and stupid, and would have hired the first guy to come look at our garden, even though his prices were outrageous and he kept adding new expensive ideas.
The phone call to my doctor was looming over my head. Sometimes I thought of backing out and sticking with her simply to avoid making that awkward call. But this morning I saw it inked in my day calendar and knew perfectly well that, once I did it, I would feel a million pounds lighter. "Her secretary will pick up anyways," I told myself, thinking I would be able to avoid direct confrontation. To my surprise, the doctor picked up, sounding grumpy and disapproving as usual. (Yes, I swear, even her 'Hello' sounds disapproving.) I told her I would have to cancel my appointment, and added that this was because I had found a new doctor. Long pause. Then her slow comment, "I see. Were you unhappy here?" Instead of saying yes (YES! YES YES YES!!! YOU MEAN ARROGANT HAG!), I simply stated that this new doctor of mine was the leading doctor at my hospital, and that I felt very comfortable with her. "I see," she said. "All the best to you. Goodbye." Goodbye! Forever and ever and ever!
I felt so free when I hung up the phone. I did wonder what she was thinking. If she hated me. If she was questioning why I had left her. If she was planning on calling me back and saying something nasty (the imagination is quite something). But mostly, I just felt free. I actually said "Woohoo!" and clapped my hands.
Then at 2 o'clock I had an appointment with a gardener who came recommended by Robert, the handyman who has worked for us for a few years now. Why I never thought to ask him for a recommendation before, I can't say. But after many frustrating meetings with men and companies coming over to look at our gardens and tell us how many thousands of euros it would cost to do what we wanted (mind you, two very small gardens), I finally asked Robert if he had any advice. So this friend of his stopped by, and after surveying our gardens and talking about what we wanted, he suggested a few things, and told me his hourly price. And when he left and I noticed I was smiling, I knew I had finally found our guy.
So now I'm sitting here feeling very proud of myself.
I'm growing up!
xoxo country girl
how inspiring this story is....it was a huge leap of faith for us to have a home birth...but well worth it -
ReplyDeleteyour choice to switch OB's right now was the right thing to do if you are un-happy- who needs that at this time right??
Those things did take courage and being in charge of yourself feels so good and right.
ReplyDeleteThis really struck a chord with me, Dawn. I've always been one of those people who say 'yes' to everything & then feel cross with myself & resentful when I have way too much going on. Product of my childhood I guess!But I'm really learning & trying as i get older to take a deep breath & realise that it DOESN'T matter if not everyone in the world likes me - as long as those I care about do! It feels so good to take command of your destiny like this...so proud of you, sweetie. It's hard to do, but soon you'll be a mother and it's MUCH easier to do these things when you have someone so precious & dependent to think of. The doctor thing is especially brilliant...such an important few months for you and you need to feel relaxed, confident & calm...and on the same wavelength as your OB/GYN. Good for you!!! Love you dearly xoxo
ReplyDeleteGood for you! It's hard to do these things sometimes, but it sure does feel good, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteGood for you for taking action. When we hire someone and things don't work out, it is not personal, but a professional, business decision to look for someone else who will be a better "fit". So, congratulations for doing what you did and next time, it will be easier, I promise. Sending a big hug your way, Dawn! Love, Sherry xx
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful! Very inspiring for a woman such as myself. I tend to struggle with this kind of confrontation as well. I hate to hurt people's feelings or make them uncomfortable. But it's not really fair to end up dumping those feelings on ourselves right? Good for you! I'll have to remember your story the next time I feel the urge to keep my mouth shut when I should probably speak up instead.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a wonderful day, Love.
B.
That Girl in Pearls
Hooray for you! It's taken me a lifetime to do what you are doing now. I too would have kept going to that doctor and been miserable, until I stopped worrying about what other people think and imagining all sorts of negative things. Good for you for taking the high ground when speaking to the "grumpy" doctor and just telling her politely that you found a another doctor.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you found yourself a really nice, fair guy to do garden work too!
Very happy for you! Hugs to you sweetie!
Woohoo! You go girl! There's no place for a grumpy doc in your pregnancy experience -- if anyone's going to be grumpy it should be you! ;) I understand the 'gardener thing' too - fired mine last summer (all by myself!) Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I find it really hard to do things like that too. I also changed obstetricians about a third of the way through my first pregnancy. We were in Italy and I was kind of at sea bu the final straw was when my doctor began looking through her diary to set a date for the caesarian section she was going to perform. No, not because it was medically necessary but because that suited her better given my due date and how that fitted with her annual beach holiday to Sardinia! And I agree with Kimberly's comment - it's you who gets to be grumpy, not her!
ReplyDeleteI remember my first "mama bear" experience, where I stood up for myself and for baby Noah. I was shaking in my boots but felt so strong afterwards.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that you found the courage to stand up for yourself, your babe and your home turf! xox
This is an essential part of growing up---learning to say NO to what does not protect you, honor you, respect you, and fill you with joy. You've said YES to security in knowing that your new doctor will be so joy-filled when your time comes to deliver and that your garden will be even more beautiful.....all good things!!! I can totally relate as it took me FAR too long to get to that point....good for you!!!
ReplyDeleteLove and Hugs,
Joann
a few years back, i hired someone to clean up my garage. i wanted it clean and organized but i wanted him to divide it into quadrants, do one square and then the next. okay, it was logical in my mind because i just didn't want it neat, i wanted to cull it as well. So he said i was asking him to do it the harder way. and i said, yes, it might appear that way but i had my reasons and that i needed someone to work with ME. Well, after a half hour he said he had to go and would be back tomorrow and I realized this was going to drag out. And I just looked at him and said, 'this isn't working for me' and he got really bent about it. I just went in the house, gave him some cash and told him not to come back. evah!! that's my working line now, 'it's not working for me!!'
ReplyDeleteI read your post too quickly and thought you wrote that you found a new doctor who will also do your garden. HaHa!!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see the baby. You'll have to tell him he has a fan club all over the world. :)
Elise
You go! :) That other doctor doesn't sound like a very nice person - why is she in such a practice anyway if she is like that? Guess she has some things to learn! Don't worry about what she was thinking - so what if she was thinking doubtfully? Will probably be good for her! xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Dawn I am so proud of you, this is a difficult to do but I know you are so relieved and happy with yourself!!!' enjoy the decisions you have made and acted on! Blessings dear friend!!
ReplyDeleteGert
I did the same, changed doctor after 6 months (that was back in DC). He said I would not find anybody who'd take me on in the middle of pregnancy. I then interviewed a female ob/gyn. She seemed nice at first, but then she told me and my husband she'd only take me one because she knew no one else would under the circumstances. I bolted out of her office. At the end, I found a wonderful caring ob/gyn - after a couple more interviews. I still think of him fondly.
ReplyDelete