Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Whether asleep or awake, he is now my life....little Rafael.
Learning to be a mom is amazing. Learning to be a parent together with my husband is amazing as well. Learning to cherish these difficult, beautiful first weeks for what they are, irreplaceable, is humbling.
I was so caught up in the basic grind of things, changing diapers, nursing, comforting, worrying....that it truly took me by surprise yesterday when I gazed down at my son, who was drinking at my breast, and was absolutely overcome with love. The hard nights and and tired days all melted away and all that was left was this awe and pure love. Now that I'm no longer dealing with my own poor health, or consumed by worrying about whether I am doing everything right and whether or not this next day or night will bring something unexpected and difficult, I am really able to just LOVE him.
People talk about having baby blues, where you 'cry for no reason.' A few times I found myself on the verge of tears, usually when Raffi was crying and I was trying to soothe him, and I must say, I don't think the tears are without reason. I realized I was saying goodbye to my old life, and facing the fact that I'm a mother now. They weren't tears of sadness, but of growing pains. Growing up. Letting go. And toughening up, too. Ramon tells me again and again: "Be strong. Be strong. Be strong." It's my new mantra.
Thank you all for the wonderful notes you leave me here...I do read and appreciate each and every one! It's very hard to get to the computer these days, so my blog posts are far and few between. I know you understand.
Happy October....enjoy this most glorious season!