Monday, September 10, 2012

Personal Reflections

My husband's little stay-at-home vacation is coming to a close, and soon home life will fall back into it's regular rhythm. Rafael has grown very attached to his Papa, and today he was especially clingy with him, crying if he left the room. 

A friend visited today and told us that one of her grown sons had some criticism for her having to do with his childhood, and I wondered to myself if Rafael will have complaints for us later in life. For example, his father not being home as much as some are. 

I don't know exactly why, but I have been somewhat melancholy and reflective lately. I feel lost and overwhelmed, and like I am just 'winging it,' not really knowing if I am doing everything right. Keeping our home clean, fridge well-stocked, laundry folded, dogs walked, and of course Rafael fed and happy, can be exhausting sometimes. Especially the household part (the dogs get everything so dirty so fast!). I have been trying to organize help the past few weeks, and have yet to find the perfect solution. 

There is one main thing that is bothering me, and I don't know how to deal with it. I keep hoping that the situation will be resolved, mainly within my very own heart. In this particular case, I don't know if it's better to just keep quiet about how I feel and make peace with the way things are, or if I should voice my disappointment. 

Rafael brings so much light into my life, and I want to be a cheerful light for him too. But sometimes it's a struggle to be full of energy and give everything my 100 percent.



  1. I think one of the secrets to life is.... we all feel like we are "winging it"!:) We think everyone else has it all together and really, they don't.

    From what I see, Dawn, you do a great job as a Mom and wife.

    Sometimes, if I have a dilemma or problem, I stop thinking about it for a few days or try to stop. I take a mental break from it. Then, many times, it is like during this break my subconscious is quietly working on a solution. When I allow myself to concentrate on it again, I usually have an answer or at least a pathway on how to deal with it. Does that make sense?

    In your dilemma, I would probably ask myself, what outcome do I want? And what will happen if I choose either path, keeping quiet vs. speaking up? And how important is this issue to me and my happiness/peace?

    Good luck, Dawn. Take care,

  2. Dear Dawn,

    You have created the most beautiful life for you and your family (and physically in Rafael!) and it is such an inspiration to hear your day-to-day – especially for us exhausted moms who just need a slice of beauty once in a while! Your post is very brave, acknowledging that you are weary at times and I had to send some supportive words. Children feel your spirit and if they are loved, they will gain the confidence to love themselves and others. They also need to experience the other side of things (sadness, frustration, anger, exhaustion) to become resilient and healthy! And healthy they will become if they always have Mom’s loving arms to come home to. Never doubt yourself – you may get tired and overwhelmed, and you may question your ability to “mother” – but kids are stronger than we can imagine and the boundless love you always feel at the end of the day is all they need. I have 2 little ones myself and I feel every word you shared!

    Sending a big hug from Louisville!

  3. Hi Dawn, I can relate to your post, and fully understand what you are feeling and going thru. Being a mother 24/7 is an exhausting job, you not only have a little one to take care of, but the whole household as well. I know I sometimes feel like that too. I think maybe you should write what is bothering you, you don't even have to post it, I find that sometimes writing things out, and then going back and re-reading it, can clear my mind a bit. I know I can express myself much better in writing than with words. I know you will find a way to fix things, and to start feeling better soon.

  4. Dawn, what I try to keep in mind that life is full of ups and downs, and whatever you are likely feeling down about will pass. I often tell myself, "It's just a phase." And it's so true.

  5. Hi Dawn

    I believe that what ever u are going thrue you have to speak about it with your husband. You will feel free and your mind and spirit will be in a good shape.some times we women forget about ourselves and we need to take care of us first

    Remember to be true to what ur feelings are and go by that .

    Mary Chicago il

  6. It is difficult being a mother/wife/woman 24 hours/7days a week. No one can be happy all of the time. It is okay to feel down or not quite so "perfect." If you did not experience each side of the emotions, you cannot appreciate them.
    Maybe you need a Woman's day off, to focus on you and no one else--do a special craft or project you have always wanted to do, visit someone without any children along, take a photography walk just you and camera, get a massage--something where you can relax!!
    You are a remarkable mother and wife..also be a remarkable woman!
    I hope you get what I am saying.

  7. Having raised 5 kids, three my own, two step, there is no perfection anywhere! All you can do is your best, hope for the best and strive for the best in all situations. Routine, faith, love and laughter will be your saving grace! Hugs!

  8. Dawn, I think there are many of us out there who feel they are 'winging it' through life. I'm one of them.
    If you feel strongly enough to share a hint of your disappointment with us in your blog, I would imagine it's an issue that needs to be discussed with whomever it concerns, unless you feel you can genuinely accept and make peace with it.
    I think you're doing a tremendous job, and creating a wonderful life for your family.

  9. I think you have to ask yourself some questions.

    Do you and your husband share your disappointments with each other? Does he tell you of his disappointments? How about family,....maybe your parents or you all share your disappointments with each other?

    Can the thing, situation or person that is disappointing you be corrected?

    Would you hurt someone's feelings if you told them of your disappointment?

    How would you feel if someone shared a disappointment in their life with you?

    1. Hello Anonymous!
      I just want to clarify that this issue does not involve my husband.
      Thank you for your insights!

  10. I wing it every single day. At least that's how I feel. You're not alone ~ I think all mamas feel that way, even if they don't want to admit it! Rafael looks so great and super healthy. The pups look awesome. I hope the tide turns and you're feeling less melancholy soon. Thinking of you in Charlotte! XOXO

  11. Dear Dawn, We are all winging it. Try not to worry so much and take a deep breathe, thngs really have a way of working themselves out. I like the advise I heard once that if you have a tuff challenge, ask yourself what would happen if you chose to act on your feelings now and what the effect would be; First in 3 weeks, then 3 months, then a year, then 3 years. It helps put the issue in prespective. Think it is also good to take a break from thinking about it for awhile too

  12. So lovely, I hope things go well for you.

  13. Oh Dawn, I am feeling the same way right now... I've had such a funk this afternoon. My feelings are that I don't feel supported by my family (who all live far away). Living up North, we never have anyone to come and lend a hand (except for the occasional generous friend). Yesterday was Noah's first day of preschool, something I was so excited for and no one called to see how it went. It can be weeks before I hear from my own parents and it makes me upset that they don't call to say they are thinking of us.
    Not sure what it is that is bothering you specifically, but I find leaning on my best friend (Winslow) is often the best way to deal with a hard time.
    xoc hugs to you my friend xox

    1. Sweetie, I am going to write you an email now.

  14. How interesting that I happened upon this post at this very time in my life. I have an issue that I'm dealing with....kind of. I am very torn and I know exactly how the feelings can take over your days sometimes. I tried to confront the problem yesterday but it left me feeling more alone and overwhelmed. I try to get rid of all unhealthy things abed people in my life but because she is my sister-i am at a loss. I believe confronting in the most honest and gentle way is the right thing to do. In the end we need to take care of ourselves,others and things thatare good for us. Clear the mind and move on...hard sometimes but cleansing. I hope you find your answer. XO

  15. While I can never say that I truly know how you feel, I suspect that I feel similarly to you very often. I worry that I'm not enough for our daughter, that I'm too tired, too impatient, too busy, or that our house is too messy, the dogs aren't happy enough and our daughter thus won't learn to be compassionate to animals...and the list goes on. I'm tired from work, tired from being a mom, and tired from, well, life. I worry that I'm not a good enough wife because my mental and physical energy is "used up" on being a mom. Overall in life, I'm happy. I just can't ever shake the feeling that I'm not ENOUGH. That I could somehow be a better mom, a better wife, a better dog mom.

    Never in my life have the stakes been so high as they are now - when I fail, I fail PEOPLE. Important people - my husband and our daughter. I have no signs that I've failed them at all, but it is my greatest fear (aside from losing them) that they would come to me one day with their disappointment, as your friend's son did.

    It sounds cliche, but I think that we all have to know that we are doing the best we can with what we have, and what we have above all else is great love. I think that as women and as mothers we also need to support one another in this journey, and lift up one another when some days aren't so easy.

    I want you to know that you've been an inspiration to me, and your blog has been a source of peace for me for a few years now. Thank you for that.

    Peace to you.

  16. when I felt like that I did something for me only, stealing very little time to all the things I thought were my duty, things I liked like cultivating my orto or writing, going back to the ordinary cleaning, looking after my three children, cooking and and and took someway another light because it was me looking at all that with less severità
    enjoy your life being a young girl yet and do not be toomuch critic with yourself your baby will look at you with simpatia
    cuiao Mada

  17. Dear Dawn, I think all mothers just "wing it". We are all afraid of failing our children. Of not being good enough. I'm sad to read that your friends son had some criticism for his childhood. I'm assuming he's not a parent himself, because if he was a parent he would understand that all parents do the best they can for their children. Sometimes, things don't work out so well. That being said, as a mother of 2, I've learned long ago to give up on perfection. I focus on what's children. I make sure I make time for them, if laundry doesn't get folded today because I was outside playing with them, that's ok. If the floor is dirty for 1 extra day because I took them to the pool...that's ok too. From what I've read you are a great mom and wife. Don't be so hard on yourself, know you are doing the best you can for your family. You said yourself Rafi is happy. That's what's important. As for the other issue, I hope it works itself out. Good luck!!

  18. Hi Dawn,
    I'm 65 years old, raised four children by myself after husband chose to get off the planet.
    If I could change my past parenting methods,knowing what I do now- I would change a lot! The cry of my heart all those years was "God please help me to be a better mother!And above all,I want my children to know they are loved." He did, and I grew up with my children, improving all the while. They all forgive my short comings and thank me on a regular basis, saying the most important thing was they KNEW I loved them. It's called grace,I don't "deserve" this wonderful reciprecal love from my kids or God, but He gives it and I am grateful!
    You have a wonderful heart, It will all be okay. God bless you

  19. Hello Your Blog is perfect, it made me feel like oh my why bother.But wait a minute with God's help and a wonderful husband of 30 years were still standing. Yes, the winds blow and the droughts come. But there are also great times of refreshments.
    We now have 7 grandchildren and I still don't know what to do when I grow up. Hey I can't compete. Everyone can only do a portion each day. Enjoy each day because it is a gift. Your pictures were breath taking!! Amazing Blog:) Blessings, Roxy



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