Friends: February and March were incredibly difficult months for me. The worst since the loss of our first baby.
So this current string of perfect moments and days has come as a complete surprise.
Rafael is one-and-a-half now, and this is funnest I have ever had with him. His character has blossomed, and every morning I wake up excited about the day ahead.
The most wonderful part of life right now is the realization that Rafael loves nature as much as I do. Now that it is warmer, we spend many hours outdoors, and while I snap photos and the dogs sniff and prance around the path, Raffi clamors onto tree stumps, lets little stones sift through his fingers, jabs at bushes with sticks, and asks me what everything is called.
It's incredible how much joy we both get out of discovering caterpillars, bugs, and salamanders. The fact that he crouches close and listens intently when I show him a wild herb or flower makes my heart burst. He now knows and identifies wild ramsons, liverwort, and anemones. When I tell him we are heading into the woods, he asks, "Lungenkraut? Salamander? Baerlauch?" ("Lungwort? Salamander? Ramsons?") And I say "Yes!"
I don't know why his enthusiasm for nature surprises me but it does. Since he is verbally advanced for his age, it's added fun to hear him say the names of wild plants and critters. And then I start imagining what the years ahead will be like....having my little companion with me, pointing out plants and animals. Collecting fallen nests, feathers, berries, heart-shaped stones, acorns and wild edibles.
When Rafael was between 15 and 17 months of age, every day was incredibly exhausting and being a parent just felt like WORK. Now, each day feels like PLAY, and we are having so much fun.
Isn't it amazing how life gives you ups and downs? Gives gifts and takes away? How you can feel like you are drowning one moment, like your life is upside down and you don't even know who you are or where you belong....and you wonder how long this pain and upheaval will last (you feel like it will last forever). And then one day you realize, you are OK again, you can breath again, your feet are planted firmly on the ground and your heart isn't aching anymore.
Spring, and my little boy, are helping me smile.
xoxoxo
I am sorry the past two months were so distressing to you. What a joy that Raffi enjoys being out in nature with you!
ReplyDeleteYour tiny wildflower bouquet took my breath away...then I scrolled down to see Rafael examining his little flowers. Exquisite...each and every image. So glad you're feeling renewed and enjoying Spring! Winters in our rural setting in the mountains of western NC can sometimes close in on me. Come Spring, I feel like a new person.
ReplyDeleteWe are here for you, Dawn, listening, sharing, sending you good thoughts and well wishes.:)
ReplyDeleteGlad you are feeling better! We are finally getting a few sunny days and I'm soaking in every bit of it I can.
Take care,
Elise
I loved reading this post. And soaking in the beautiful images. Spring has been a long time coming here in Zurich; I imagine it's very much the same where you are.
ReplyDeleteQuestion: do you speak English with Raffi? I'm guessing he is being raised bilingually?
Thanks for sharing - and yes, life is full of ups and downs. Remember your readers are here for you.
Though I have not had the loss of a child, I have been through some ordeals of the heart too. The last of which involved my grandson...I had custody of him for several difficult months and then had to place him in foster care.
ReplyDeleteAt 42 years old...I felt/feel sometimes that I have a mix of maternal/grand-maternal super-dooper extra out of the ordinary flow of emotions to go with all of life's ups & downs. I hope that maybe this is really some kind of wisdom but either way, I'm thankful.
Yes The Lord does give and take away....yet like you, I have learned that there are these difficult times in our life.....and then there are these sweet, perfect moments that I try to savor with all my being!
I had a wonderful weekend with my husband...doing nothing special yet it was special.
God is good.
I always enjoy your posts. Deep and touching.
Have a wonderful day!
Oh no I am so sorry February and March were awful months of you. I hope the rest of the year follows in April's happy spring steps xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Dawn. It's a special gift of yours that you can write in a way that includes the reader and makes me feel like I am part of your experience. Let's talk phone time soon. Love
ReplyDeleteWhat beautiful and refreshing pictures. I am glad that you are finding beauty and peace in your days. I'm so sorry to hear that the winter months were hard on you. I hope you are doing okay, I've missed your blog posts.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you as always. xox your friend