Friday, October 1, 2010
Learning to Make Peace with Imperfect
Look at this picture. It's not perfect. It's out of focus, cropped strangely, and doesn't have very good lighting. But I love it. I remember the evening I took this. My husband and I were baking cookies together on Christmas Eve. I am so glad I didn't erase it just because it isn't perfect.
Looking back on recent posts, it's become clear to me that I have been diligently trying to learn to be imperfect. Or rather, to accept my imperfections. And in a way, befriend them. We love our partner, our friends, our pets, our gardens, our families...and in loving them, also make peace with their imperfections. The most difficult imperfections to embrace are, I believe, our own.
This past week I was really struggling with myself. When I was making orders for my etsy shop customers, I felt I should be packing. When I was packing, I felt I should be cleaning. When I was cleaning, I felt I should be walking the dogs. When I was walking the dogs, I felt I should be ironing that mountain of laundry. And every evening, when my husband came home, I felt guilty that I hadn't cooked something really good for a man who works hard all day. One night I was so scattered and busy that he ended up eating cold roast chicken leftovers. Period.
For the first time since I opened my two shops, and in a matter of two days, I got complaints from four customers about various problems.
I was feeling totally exasperated, and living on the verge of tears.
I won't go into detail about what happened yesterday; suffice to say that someone had very kind, sincere words for me, and made me feel appreciated. And for some reason, this simple gesture loosened the knot in my stomach and made me feel completely different.
On the evening walk with the dogs, my spirit refreshed, I called my husband, and told him I was sorry I had been in such a funk lately, and that there hadn't been clean ironed clothes or good hot meals. He laughed and told me it really wasn't a big deal. He said those aren't the kinds of things I should be worried about. The more he spoke and reassured me, the more I smiled and felt at peace.
Yes, there are still so many things to do, and so many towers of boxes, and so many things that could go wrong. I'm still behind on the ironing, and I there could be another customer complaint waiting in my shop's inbox. I still have my grey roots, I still have these extra 20 pounds, and I still go to bed sometimes and lie there and realize I completely forgot to shower.
I think I am finally learning to make peace with my own imperfections.
It helps when the person you love most has made peace with them, too. I love you Ramon.
xoxo country girl