praying for happiness

Once, when I was in highschool, I was so in love with a boy that I actually prayed every day that he would love me back. We dated for about three years off and on, and he treated me horribly. Still, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed: "Please God, let him love me, let us be together." 

I had a friend who liked to hold gatherings, mostly during the full moon, with only women; we would take moonlit walks to the beach, light candles, burn things, make potions and talismans, all sorts of hocus-pocus. Mostly just for fun. But at every one of these little parties, I would ask my friend to cast a love spell, in hopes that this boyfriend of mine would finally love me and belong to me. 

One day, heartbroken and exasperated, I said through tears to my friend, "I just wish he were mine!" She looked at me and said, "If he were yours, who's to say you would be happy? Maybe, instead of praying for him, you should pray for happiness."

That single remark changed the way I thought, and prayed, for a long time. And it served me very well. Any time I found myself praying for a particular thing, like a certain job, apartment, vacation, result...I would correct myself, let go of wanting that thing, and pray for happiness instead. And that practice of letting go of specific things really worked well, because I felt I was leaving the details up to God, and living in faith that God knew what was good for me much better than I ever could. 

Then, the other day, I was talking with an old friend on the phone. He has been through alot in his life, but has managed to remain a positive person. We were talking now about my miscarriage, and I told him how it had come as such a shock, and as such a stark change from the happiness we had experienced while I was pregnant. I told him I was praying that I would be happy again some day soon. 

To that he said, "But hard times are a part of life, too. People need to stop their addiction to happiness and to good times, and accept the hard times as they come. We need to be at peace with the fact that life isn't always easy or happy."

This made me re-think my prayers for happiness. I began to realize that I often spent many hours of my days thinking of the future, of all the things I hoped would happen or come, of all the happiness I hoped to experience 'some day.' And now I feared that, by always praying for happiness, I was neglecting the opportunity to live in gratitude for what IS. For all the happiness I already have. For my life exactly as it is today, in this moment. And to live in acceptance of the hard times, too. 

The more I thought about it, the more I decided that I should strive for a balance of the two....because although it's good to live with an atitude of gratitude, it's also important to dream. 

Those are the thoughts I am having today. 

My head is also swarming with ideas for my etsy shop, Kiki La Ru, for which I am so grateful! Ever since I decided to open up that little online store, I have been having one inspiration after another. So, yes, dreaming is important. Having a vision and following through is important. 

Well, that's what I think right now.....who knows, maybe that will change too, some day! I am open to learning new truths and changing my mind. And I hope that fact remains until the day I die, because a willingness to learn and change are what keep a person young.

xoxo country girl