Monday, March 1, 2010




"The really important thing about the first few days of March isn't the temperature, or the wind, or the rain or snow, or the clear blue sky-when it is clear and blue. The important thing is the sunlight, almost eleven and quarter hours of it now between sunrise and sunset. Right there, in that sunlight, are the potentialities, the beginnings, actually, of spring and summer and autumn, of sprouting and growth and ripeness." - Hal Borland, Book Of Days

Today we are enjoying perfect March weather: strong wind, warm sun, and a clear periwinkle sky. Grass is lifting from the ground, where it was pressed under thick layers of ice and snow all winter. Kiki has been enjoying tromping through swampy thawed water and damp carpets of leaves on the forest floor. I'm keeping my eye out for waking salamanders and crocus spears...nothing yet. We do have snow drops, primulas, and earthworms, and I've seen spiders speeding through the grass. Soon I'm sure I'll spot ladybugs and slugs. Small signals of spring's arrival.

I purchased lovely red-skinned potatoes and slender, young leeks last Friday at the farmer's market; I'll be putting them in a tasty soup today. I'm also making Jamie Oliver's "best winter veg coleslaw" with the fennel bulb, celeriac, and radishes that were included in last week's organic box delivery. This salad is crisp, creamy, and delicious, and uses the produce of the season, which I love. It's so simple and healthy. Something about the weather changing has inspired me in the kitchen, given me a new spark of motivation.

Ramon and I spent our 11th anniversary weekend at home, relaxing, napping, taking walks in the soupy fields, playing with Kiki, and talking. (Above you can see the beautiful 11 roses he gave me for our anniversary.) We remembered the day we lost our baby last November, the pain and scarring it marked us with, and both expressed fear for a future pregnancy. We have decided to start trying again in April, and mixed in with the excitement and hope is the nervous fear of another loss, another trauma. I am grateful that we are in this together, that it's not something I am faced with alone. Still, one wonders what lies ahead....will there be more disappointment and letting go, more hard lessons and grief? Will we be blessed with life, with a healthy baby? These thoughts and questions follow me in all I do, all day. I see the sun shining, and take joy in the small simple things, but underlying everything there are those questions and that fear.

How are you all doing? I want to welcome the newest readers here, I am constantly astounded and touched by the kind and thoughtful notes you leave here. What a blessing to be connected to intelligent, creative, and compassionate people from around the world! I want to thank everyone for respecting that this is a very private, honest space for me, where I share many of my thoughts and a piece of my heart. It's scary every time I do, and then my heart just swells when I read the things you have to say to me, and I know that I always want to be honest and speak my truth, because as frightening as it can be, it is what truly bonds us.

Happy March everyone! Let's enjoy it together.

xoxo country girl

14 comments:

  1. happy weekend, happy anniversary. mine weekend was beautiful too. glad to hear that yours was even, with a bit of tears too.

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  2. Happy March to you too darling, may it bring you happiness and your first sightings of salamanders and crocus
    Love Morwenna xoxo

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  3. Happy March dearest Dawn! Let's hope that this Spring brings everything good for all of us...we too have blue skies & warm sun today, so beautiful - Alice had a new lease of life after the gloom & driving rain of yesterday, and zoomed around the hill on our walk today! She is brilliant at dodging the muddy patches, but blotted her copybook with a stinky roll on the way home...bah! So glad you & Ramon have decided to try again soon. I'm sure it will be very different this time. I hope & pray so xox Rachel

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  4. Happy March sweetie! You sound so positive - I think it will all be alright. Just be brave - feel the fear and do it anyway is what my dad always says...it will pay off in the end. Beautiful flowers from Ramon and beautiful Kiki once again! xxx PS That coleslaw sounds lush...

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  5. Beautiful photographs and beautiful words. Happy anniversary to you!! And happy spring.

    That quote you shared is uplifting and it's so true..the sunshine just feels alive. It makes me feel alive and hopeful and positive.

    And with spring comes your tentative desire to become pregnant again and to perhaps allow yourselves to hope and to believe. Have faith and courage. Do what you feel in your heart. I lost two pregnancies before I had my sons. One I had to deliver even though I wasn't full term. I understand the trauma and the heartache, and I understand the fear. I hope you won't allow the fear to have priority and that you will honour your hearts with hope and faith. Sending you prayers and positive thoughts!! xo

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  6. Dawn..thank you for sharing your thoughts and life with us. You are such an inspiration--you have no idea how much I love checking your blog each day:) I will keep you and Ramon in my prayers for a new & healthy pregnancy.

    Happy Spring!
    xoxo Gert

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  7. hello dear girl:),

    your anniversary weekend sounds like it was just perfect. and what beautiful roses- just in time for spring;). i feel blessed to have met you as well. happy march!

    xoxo,
    Blair

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  8. So happy to have found you!
    Such a lovely blog you have here.
    Edward and I shall return.

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  9. Is it possible to ever get tired of looking at Kiki's dear face? I don't think so. Thanks for sharing her and yourself. I am aware it takes courage, and I always appreciate it! I just wondered if you were fearless, but like all great people... you're just brave. That's even better. :)

    Thanks for being brave!

    Have a lovely day, and great news about April. I will keep you in my prayers.

    xo

    Molly

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  10. sounds like a lovely anniversary. I do love March. My son was born the 9th.

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  11. Best wishes and fervent prayers for the little life you so desire to bring and share your love.

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  12. I don't have children of my own yet, but when my sister was pregnant with my niece, I heard Elton John's song Blessed. And I cried and thought that is how I feel about my soon-to-be niece or nephew.

    While my siblings and I were lucky in many ways growing up, we knew that we would support this new addition to our family in ways that we missed out on as children. I consider this song, my niece's song, I love her very much. (She calls me "Auntie" and I adore it!)

    When I read about how you and your husband feel about your baby in heaven and your future children, I think of this song too. Your children will certainly be blessed to have you.

    Elise

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  13. What beautiful photographs! So happy it's March :)

    My heart goes out to you and your husband for your loss; your strength and resilience is so inspiring to me. I'll pray for you this coming April♥

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  14. Dearest Dawn,
    I am so happy to hear that your anniversary was so special- I am always in awe of how you write about your marriage- you and Ramon seem to be very good to each other, it's so lovely to hear about it.
    I also want to wish you all the best in every way as you begin to try for a baby. It must be an extremely hard decision to make, I will be praying for you and Ramon both, for strength and courage.
    Lastly- I want to say thank you for you beautiful and honest posts. I, like you, enjoy the more personal blogs- the ones where people share some of their story with their readers. By being honest and true to yourself in your blog, you are creating something real and relatable. That is why I like your blog. You are real and I feel like I could be your friend if we lived in the same town.
    Thank you. I really and truly enjoy visiting your blog each time.
    xoxo Johanna

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