Monday, July 12, 2010

Chocolate Cake and Healing

It was time to celebrate my mother in law's birthday, and time to see my sister in law's new son for the first time. I remember when I was pregnant last fall, I told Ramon's mother, "We'll be giving you a grandchild for your birthday!" "Well, that's just the best present I can think of!" She answered.

As you all know, I was not able to give her a grandchild. Instead she got a pink rain coat and shiny black rain boots from us. And a towering, 4 layer chocolate cake, decorated with Kiki La Ru Cake Bunting and flowers. My 3 year old nephew, who is still getting used to having a little brother, got his own mini cake, complete with rainbow sprinkles and a flag with his first initial. Something just for him, that he didn't have to share..."Only big brothers get these," I told him. 

I was nervous about meeting my newest nephew, who would have been about two weeks older than my own baby. And I was holding in feelings of sadness because I was going to this celebration without a newborn in my arms as I had pictured eight months ago. But it was time.

And once I saw that little being, sleeping stretched out, with a mohawk of fine hair and the smoothest, rosy skin, I only felt love. 

We dove into that huge, delicious cake while the baby slept behind me in his cradle. Once I heard him fussing a little, and I turned around to comfort him. He opened his eyes when I stroked his belly and smiled at me! A toothless, crooked little grin, before his heavy eyelids dropped and he fell asleep again. The sweetest thing. 

The only time I really felt my loss was when my sister in law nursed her newborn. Odd as it may sound, this is something I crave with my whole soul and body.

All in all though, it was a healing experience...over chocolate cake.

Black Devils Food Cake
a delicious vintage recipe from 'betty crockers picture cook book'

Preheat oven to 350° F (180° C)
Grease and flour 2 9inch layer pans or a 13x9 inch oblong pan.

Cream together 2/3 cups shortening (i used butter)  and 1 2/3 sugar (i used brown)

Add 3 eggs

Blend together 2/3 cup cocoa, 1 teaspoon vanilla and 1 1/3 cups cold water.

Sift together 1/3 teaspoon baking powder, 1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda, and 1 teaspoon salt.

Stir in alternately with with the cocoa mixture.

(I just threw the ingredients into my kitchenaid one after the other, beating well after each addition, and it turned out very fluffly and delicious)

Bake for about 30 minutes.

My etsy shop is officially open now, with 10 lovely items. I am especially proud of the cake bunting. Stop by and have a look, if you like! click here: Kiki La Ru Shop .

xoxo country girl


  1. thinking of you as you continue on your journey towards healing and of course, chocolate cake always helps. what beautiful bunting Dawn.

  2. What a beautiful experience it sounds like you had! I am glad that you were able to meet your newest nephew, he sounds precious! (and that cake, well that looks amazing!)

  3. I love the bunting!

    I'm so happy to hear you have felt some redemption from your darkness. I second BrittanButterfly: What a beautiful experience.

    You might like this blog I just discovered:

    It's not a "pretty" blog, but it's interesting!

  4. Bunting ROCKS! inventive and fun.
    What a bright light you are darling.

  5. The cake looks delicious... and I love your little homemade decorations! Adorable.

    Many, many hugs to you ♥

  6. Dawn - you have been in my prayers. Thank you for being willing to share what is in your heart. So glad that God knows about our happinesses and our hurts. Love, Esther

  7. You have found the perfect remedy! a bit of chocolate and hand sewing. Your creations, all, are so lovely. Good luck with your new shop! i'm off to visit now.
    Keep the faith dear Dawn,
    ♥ lori

  8. Dawn..I am so pleased that the healing has begun. My prayers are with you and Ramon...

    Your cake and bunting look "oh so delicous" and the small one is just so cute. I know he had to love that--a cake of his own! You are so thoughtful!!!

    xoxo Gert

  9. ...brave girl ..I am so happy it felt this way for you!

  10. beautiful healing moments. xo

  11. oh sweet dawn. you said it so beautifully....big hugs & love i'm sending your way. i didn't know how i would feel either...but i felt love too. i like to think this is because we have the souls of mothers....


    {i have missed coming to visit you here...but i'm back online again and so looking forward to sharing lots of new good things}

  12. ah sweetie...cake and healing...all good things...I'm glad you overcame this small challenge. Love is the way truly

  13. Just found your pretty little your sweet post today..words well written.
    Your images are darling.
    Off to visit your sweet etsy is calling my name. xoxo

  14. I loved reading your post today! Your chocolate cake & bunting look like it came right out of a Martha Stewart magazine! Just beautiful. You should be proud. How sweet of you to bake big brother his own special cupcake! He will probably always remember that. So sweet! xoxo

  15. sending you a peaceful heart....

    i have missed you too my sweet friend

    and it sounds like you are healing...

    the cake is adorable and i am off to your etsy shop...

    sending love,
    kary and teddy

  16. Your shop is adorable! I even made a purchase!! YAY!! It has inspired me to start baking when I get back from my trip -- I'll let you know how it goes. Sending lots of love. xoxxxo r

  17. What a loving heart you have, to think of making your nephew his own little cake. It's that loving heart that made this meeting sweet rather than bitter and that will take you through a life where sweetness prevails.

  18. What a sweet spirit you have. I've known the heartbreak of miscarriage and I pray for you. You still have hope and that is a precious thing.
    Love your etsy shop. So charming! Hugs, Stick Horse Cowgirl V

  19. you always write with such meaning and love. i could learn a lot from you. i just had to say thank you for the sweet note. heartfelt comments from kind souls like you make all the difference. i appreciate your kindness. i was so worried about posting about my experience and am now feeling like maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to share my feelings. you're a sweetheart. thank you for being so thoughtful.
    xo. marta

  20. HI Dawn, Just came on your lovely blog! And ooh I am a big dog fan as well. Just wanted to tell you, I have been "there" and it's heart breaking. Eventually I had a happy end and you have to keep the faith, I know it 's hard sometimes. Write it on your mirror or anywhere, KEEP THE FAITH! I will send you good vibes! x



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