Thursday, July 1, 2010
this is july: loss and hope and learning
What can I say about this month July?
If I look at these photographs, I see nature...summer heat...and the sweetest little four-legged companion I could ever hope for. I see that I am surrounded every day by so much beauty; that I am so very blessed.
If I look in my heart, I see loss. As my due date approaches, July 5th, and I sit here with a flat tummy, with no baby on the way, I feel very empty, and very alone in my grieving. The end of June was an extremely painful, difficult time, and I don't expect this first week of July to be any better. I have been distracted, depressed, irritable, frustrated. And I have neglected my friendships. I have not been able to truly enjoy all of this fair weather, good company, sweet hours of sunshine. I'm given breathtaking sunsets, and fireflies, and still I am sad.
Even someone like me, who has received so much, who leads a very full life, wonders again and again, Why am I denied this one thing I hope for so dearly? Where is the lesson in loss and waiting? When will You relieve me?
Again and again, I am given the answer: Learn to appreciate what you have. Learn to keep hope's flame burning bright. Learn to remain open and generous, even when you feel empty and as if you have nothing to give. Learn to have a soft heart, a loving heart, a joyful heart, a heart that is full and content, even if some wishes are left unfulfilled. Learn to accept pain, and learn to choose the lit path instead of the dark.
"A heart resolved leads to a fulfilled life."
What does that mean?
I hope to find out in July.
xoxo country girl