Saturday, July 16, 2011
The Firsts of Things
The American who sells flowers at the farmer's market every Friday had the first sunflowers this week. I bought seven, wrapped in newspaper and heavy in my arms, and now they stand, sunny and tall, on the dining table. I love the firsts of things....the first sunflowers, the first colorful heirloom tomatoes, the first pumpkins, the first chill in the air that makes you put on the first sweater of the season. The first snow. I'm getting ahead of myself now.
While I long for cool autumn days and the birth of my son, I know I should instead be enjoying the moment and taking advantage of these final weeks of independence. Some mothers give the advice, "Go on dates with your husband; go to the movies. Take long baths and sleep as much as you can. Meet friends at the cafè. Read books." All things they claim will be impossible once your first baby is born. So I'm trying to do those things.
When my husband's cousin was in her final month, she started getting antsy, and I kept saying all those things that people say, like how she should enjoy her last month of freedom. But now I'm eating my words, and I'm not even in the final month yet. I didn't think I would be an impatient pregnant woman. It's taken me by surprise how time seems to be going at a snail's pace, how this summer seems like one endless stretch of heat!
I stare at Rafael's ultrasound picture, his sweet profile where you can see his tiny nose and lips, and I just keep wondering what it will be like to see his face for the first time. Will it be instant recognition? Will I fall in love? Will I cry and think he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen?